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    Monday, October 31, 2005
    There Are No Words - At Least Not Yet

    When Pedro left, I knew why. When Nomar left, I knew it was time. But this? I can't handle it. Not yet. I feel pathetic for being so upset, but I am. I have a LOT of thoughts, but am in no way ready to get them down yet.

    We'll miss you Theo. Thanks.

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    posted by FINY @ Monday, October 31, 2005   10 comments
    Saturday, October 29, 2005
    Yet Another Reason I Hate Sports Writers
    Seriously, I could probably post all day about the ridiculous stuff that is printed in various sports sections around the country, but I'd just like to point this one out because of the following:

    Graffanino, acquired midway through the 2005 season from Kansas City, was an upgrade at second base for the Red Sox, but had a damaging error during Boston's playoff series loss to Chicago.

    I don't even really need to write a rebuttal since I already did here , but holy lord the man worked his ass off from the minute he got to the team, he hit a double after that error, and do you really think we would have fared as well with Bellhorn at second? (Bellhorn, my love, I'm sorry but you know it's true!).

    Anyway, just needed to vent/share/procrastinate from cleaning my room.

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    posted by FINY @ Saturday, October 29, 2005   6 comments
    Another Sox Championship
    Whenever I read the paper I start with the Sports section. I don’t know what this says about me but I do. So today when the New York Times was delivered to my apartment and my roommate (who’s name is on the subscription because she, well, PAYS for it) dove into the front page I made a grab for section D “Sports Saturday”.

    There, in the upper left-hand corner was a picture of the White Sox victory parade. I smiled to myself remembering the delirium that was my 2004 experience and felt a rush of warmth toward all White Sox fans. “I know how you feel,” I thought.

    The feeling continued as I began to read the column the picture accompanied (not linked to because you need to pay to read it online). The title of the piece was “Windy? Sure. Second? Not Anymore.” By William C. Rhoden. And it started out like this:

    The operative word in Chicago these days is stunned. I’m speaking for myself, but I am also speaking for fellow South Siders and fans who are stunned that the Chicago White Sox-the Hitless Wonder White Sox of 1906, the Go-Go Sox of 1959 – won the World Series.

    Ah how I, and inevitable all of Red Sox Nation, remember the feeling. It took months for it to really sink in with me. And every time I was reminded, whether when it was when I had my picture taken with the World Series trophy or wore the World Series ring (which happened on multiple occasions thanks to friendly Fenway staff members and the Twin’s sister) the immediate thought was “My God it really is true, the Red Sox are the World Champions”.

    Now granted, we can’t say that anymore. Sure the words “The Sox are the World Champions” is still applicable, but it’s now a sock of a different color (come on I couldn’t pass that one up). So as I continued reading Mr. Rhoden’s column I was reminded of all of those moments and had a nice warm fuzzy feeling going on for the fans of Chicago. And then I read the following about a quarter of the way into the column:

    The boys and girls don’t yet understand the scope of what they witnessed, though they mat as the decades inevitably pass without a repeat World Series performance.

    Excuse me, what? I’m not even a White Sox fan and that line pissed me off. Why is this columnist already dismissing next season? For a moment I thought I had misread the beginning of the column and that this guy wasn’t actually a Sox fan. Nope, reread it again, and continued reading the column and he definitely identified himself as a South Side Sox fan.

    What aggravated me the most about this is the defeatist attitude that Mr. Rhoden is now projecting onto all Chicago fans. I know that 99.9% of their fans out there are not in line with Mr. Rhoden’s thinking, but as a writer, representing the Chicago fan base in a major newspaper, shouldn’t he be portraying himself, and therefore the rest of the Sox fanbase, in the best light possible?

    I’m overreacting and I know it, but one of the comments that I got as a RED Sox fan living in New York right after they won was “Oh, well now you can wait another 86 years”. Which of course prompted my response of “Fuck off, my team just won the World Series and I’m going to enjoy it damnit.”

    And I hope White Sox fans are doing just that. Not listening to asshats like Mr. Rhoden. Not thinking about next year (unless it’s to think about unveiling that flag at US Cellular) and basking in the glow of a World Series they were never sure they were going to see. Party it up Sox fans. You deserve it.


    posted by FINY @ Saturday, October 29, 2005   4 comments
    Wednesday, October 26, 2005
    A Dead Giveaway
    Hair: Kind of fuzzy and pulled back into a haphazard ponytail.

    Face: luckily made-up, but no amount of concealer can hide the circles under my eyes.

    Outfit: Same as yesterday, with one new twist. Instead of the well-fitting, black sweater I was wearing, I am now in jeans and a men's white ribbed sweater that is obviously too big and smells like boy. A dead giveaway that I have not been home yet. I might as well be wearing a banner that says: I got drunk last night, and stayed at The Twin's place, yes I know it was a Tuesday but it was his birthday and isn't it a law that you have to get birthday booty?

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    posted by FINY @ Wednesday, October 26, 2005   8 comments
    Tuesday, October 25, 2005
    Dogs, Drinks, Dads and Do Nothing Days
    Well, it was a jam packed weekend. One which I only recovered from last night.

    Friday night Meegan and I went over to our friends K&J’s house. K&J live only right around the corner from me and yet somehow, I had yet to meet the dog they got MONTHS ago. It was a great night, very relaxed and let me tell you I am now in love with their dog. Buster is a schnoodle and is literally like a walking stuffed animal.

    One of the many conversations we had that night revolved around this blog. I hadn’t realized that J was a reader and he kept referencing things that I had written here (J I am still giving you free reign to post comments. Knowing you they’ll make me cringe and laugh my ass off all at the same time). The question came up as to what I would do if and when The Twin finds Miles From Fenway.

    Honestly, I am not quite sure. I guess I don’t always realize exactly how revealing I am around here. I’ve never been the kind of person to hold things back, my good friends can easily vouch for that. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m not ashamed of that. That being said there are still things I don’t talk about here. Personal things, intimate things, things I think you guys will find boring. For as much as a lot of people think of blogs as online diaries, they’re really not. As a blogger you know there’s an audience there, and 9 times out of 10 you know your audience. You may think it doesn’t affect how you write and what you talk about, but even subconsciously, it must.

    So I guess I don’t know what I will do when The Twin finds out about this (because obviously it’s inevitable). He’s a pretty laid back guy, so I’d like to think he wouldn’t be upset. But then again I’ve been talking to the internet about him for months. I can see how that would weird people out. I guess it’s a bridge I am just going to have to cross when I get to it.

    I woke up pretty early on Saturday hoping to clean my apartment as much as possible before my father arrived that afternoon. Dad was picking me up to take me to Buddy’s hockey game in NJ and then the two of them were coming back to my apartment and staying with me for the night.

    I was really excited about the entire thing. I love seeing my brother play, I hardly ever get to spend time with Dad, and Buddy had never seen one of my apartments set up before. Ever. I’ve lived in NYC for three years! But his busy hockey schedule and my frequent moving haven’t always made it practical. So this was a pretty big night for me.

    Everything went to hell when we hit New Jersey. We got hopelessly lost, in the pouring rain, got pulled over for making an illegal U-turn, and took double the time to get to the rink than mapquest had estimated. Dad was, let’s say, not in the best of moods by the time we got there. And it took all the strength I had in me not to say I told you so after he got pulled over for that U-turn since I had literally said just moments before, “Dad you can’t make a U-turn here”.

    So into the rink we go, expecting to have missed the first half hour of the game. Except … they weren’t even on the ice yet. Why? Because the ref didn’t show up. So instead they suited up the Assistant Coach for the opposing team and sent him out on the ice. Now let me just say this, I don’t blame what happened in this game on the poor Assistant Coach. A hockey game should have at least two refs if not three. This one had one and he wasn’t even a real ref. Keeping the game under control was next to impossible.

    Actually, it proved completely impossible as with a minute left to go in the game the kids, frustrated, tired, and competitive, threw down their gloves, helmets and sticks, and started an all out brawl. Buddy’s team lost the game 5-3, and most of his teammates got their asses kicked in the various fights as well.

    So on the way home I had father and a brother who were not exactly the happiest guys in the world, were bitching about how much they hate traveling for hockey, and how it sucks. Good to see you guys too!

    Don’t get me wrong, they were sure to clarify the statement with, “except it’s still great to see you!” it was still a tough night. In the end it’s always wonderful to see them, and I loved having them there to play with the kitten and hang around my place. I just wish it had been under less stressful circumstances.

    Now Sunday I had just the most wonderful, do-nothing New York Day. After kicking my brother and father out of the house early I arrived at Riverside Park for Memory Walk 2005 bundled up in more layers than I can mention and ready to don my bright orange Junior Committee team t-shirt. The Walk was hugely successful and I would once again like to thank everyone who donated.

    After the Walk I took the subway home to Brooklyn and hung out for a while. Both of my roommates had their boyfriends over and I was in one of my “I really want to be alone” moods. So I showered, changed, grabbed my laptop and headed back into Manhattan. I had no real plan, no where specific to go, so I got out at the Prince Street station on the R line and just wandered. I love doing that sometimes, just walking around the city for no apparent reason. I finally settled into the Starbucks near St. Marks St., bought a grande White Chocolate Mocha, opened up my laptop and wrote nonstop for two hours. It has been MONTHS since I’ve been able to do that. All told I probably only had two sentences total that I was actually happy with and could use, but it still felt great.

    I debated going to a movie afterwards and started up towards the Loew’s Cinema on Union Square, but as it always does, The Strand distracted me. I spent a long time in there just browsing the books. By then the movie I was thinking of going to see had long since started so I thought I’d head home. Instead I got distracted again by a street performer in Union Square who got the crowd so riled up he actually convinced them to let him crowd surf on them to end the show to the tune of “We Are The Champions”. It was fantastic :)

    Days like that always make me so happy that I live in NYC. And my subway ride home only added to the sensation. We emerged from the tunnel to go over the Manhattan Bridge and there laid out in front of me was the Manhattan Skyline, same as it always is, with the Brooklyn Bridge extending across the river and the Statue of Liberty, torch glowing, visible beyond. And as a backdrop this gorgeous orange/red sunset that made me warm just to look at.

    Written all out like this, it doesn’t seem like a lot, but that was a really fantastic day for me. And just what I needed.

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    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, October 25, 2005   7 comments
    Thank You, Internet!
    I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who helped me raise money for the Memory Walk. The team that I was a member of (The Alzheimer’s Association of New York Junior Committee) had, I believe, 44 members and we raised over $23,000. You all helped us become the top non-corporate fundraising team. I was amazed and touched by your generosity, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. You are all fabulous.


    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, October 25, 2005   4 comments
    Monday, October 24, 2005
    What Am I Worth?
    Becki had this posted and I clearly had to try it out.

    My blog is worth $22,017.06.
    How much is your blog worth?


    posted by FINY @ Monday, October 24, 2005   5 comments
    Friday, October 21, 2005
    Grey Areas
    I spent the majority of last night helping The Twin paint his office a gorgeous grey color. Which, unsurprisingly, after a few beers at a bar beforehand, was actually quite a good time.

    While we were at it we had the Rangers/Islanders game on in the background. This of course led to a conversation about the new rules the NHL has come up with and the shoot out from the game the night before. Now, with my brother being a goalie, and that being The Twin’s former position when he played, we eventually began to talk about Buddy (I’ve decided that’s what I’m going to call my little bro’ around here since that’s what I call him at home even though it’s nowhere NEAR his real name).

    ME: You should see me when Buddy plays, I’m a nervous wreck. Something about kids twice his size smacking a small, hard, rubber puck at him as hard as they can just doesn’t sit well with me.

    The Twin: Well, he’s playing in NJ this weekend right? If I’m not working Saturday maybe I can come down and see him.

    *cue my heart swelling and stomach dropping all at the same time.

    Now there is nothing I love more than bragging about my little brother. And I love bringing friends to his games to watch him play. And I’m ridiculously close to my family so introducing the people in my life to them is really important to me. Hence the heart swelling.

    But then there was the stomach drop. Hold up a second, that would mean The Twin would be MEETING MY FAMILY. Woah. Now, it’s clear that I really like him. I’ve become that neurotic girl I hate so much when he doesn’t call for like two days (which, yes, everyone was right about. He wasn’t getting home from work until like 1am on those days. We talked about it) and that in and of itself indicates how much I care about this guy. But meeting my family is a big thing for me. As I said about they are a huge part of my life. And I don’t know if I’m ready to bring The Twin into that. Which just made me realize that we were in more of a grey area than the one we were painting. So now what to say?

    Luckily he rescued me from having to answer, the moment those words had left his mouth he looked down at me from the ladder and said: Though I don’t think I’m quite ready to meet the fam yet.

    Maybe it’s not so grey if we’re there together.


    posted by FINY @ Friday, October 21, 2005   13 comments
    Random Baseball Notes
    Well it’s decided, the 2005 World Series will be played by the Houston Astros and the Chicago White Sox. I told you below why I will be rooting for the White Sox, but last night’s game, even though they lost, has a lot of significance for the St. Louis Cardinals.

    Last night’s game (Ok, so I’ve written this post over a period of days …) was the last game to ever be played at Busch Stadium. I’ll admit I’ve never been there, but I am sure there are members of the Red Bird Faithful out there who will mourn the loss. In a way, I feel like some Sox fans will too. The Red Sox won the 2004 World Series on that field. All those images that were seared into our brains: Tek catching Foulke, Tek on his knees on the infield grass while being hugged by Millar, Dave Roberts hoisting the World Series trophy while sitting atop Mike Timlin’s shoulders. All those images came courtesy of Busch. (Sorry to bring it all up again Cards fans, I am sure this day is rough enough for you already. I feel you, you’ll notice I’ve written very little about baseball since the Sox got bounced). The view of those illuminated arches that lined the top of the stadium will always be a part of our memories of one of the greatest moments of my sports fandom to date.

    So thanks for the memories, Busch.

    Tracking Bellhorn Part II:

    Yeah yeah I know. I feel off the “I swear I am going to make this a regular feature”. But I just couldn’t bare to watch/read about/think about Bellhorn in pinstripes. And now, I don’t have to!

    The Yankees put out a press release on Tuesday indicating that Bellhorn had rejected an offer from the Yankees that would have given his contract to their Triple A Team Columbus. Opting for Free Agency, Bellhorn is now testing the waters. I really hope he has a bang-up year next year, this one was tough on him. I’d love to see him starting somewhere, and I think he could do it with a smaller market team. Boston and New York just have too many resources to need a guy like him, unfortunately.

    Don’t Let The Door Hit You In The Ass!

    Everyone who did a little jig when they found out that Dale Sveum was going to the Brewers raise your hand!

    Sveum probably got a bit of a bad rap in Boston. I mean in 90% of other MLB cities fans wouldn’t even know the NAME of their third base coach, never mind be able to analyze his abilities. I respect his decision to move on from Boston, to be able to spend an extra six weeks with his kids (the Brewers train in Arizona which is where the Sveum’s live) and I wish him all the best of luck.

    That said, I’m glad I’ll no longer need to worry about our players injuring themselves on a play at the plate that never should have happened due to Sveums trigger happy wave. So bring on the new guy! Let’s see how quickly it takes WEEI, BDD, and the rabid fanbase to scare him out of town.


    O! Leo!

    It may not be “official” yet, but will most likely be announced today that Leo Mazzone will be leaving his post as pitching coach for the Atlanta Braves to sign a three year deal with the Baltimore Orioles.

    I’m feeling a bit sad about this for a few reasons. Left over from my days of Atlanta Braves fandom (for those of you who haven’t been reading my blog long, there’s a story to that I swear) is a special place in my heart for the 90’s Braves and their staff. Bobby Cox is arguably one of the best managers in baseball.

    Yes, I know I know, they’re the Buffalo Bills of the MLB, always winning Division titles and never doing a damn thing with them, but really, every year they seem to be headed for a “rebuilding” year and somehow they dominate. Mazzone has got to be able to take some credit for that. It makes me a bit nostalgic now that not only is the core of the team that I used to follow so closely gone, but the coaching staff is being broken up as well.

    ANOTHER reason why this upsets me a little is that the Orioles are in the AL East. Now, I know Mazzone’s no miracle worker but he’s damn good at what he does. So yeah not totally psyched that the guy’s going to one of our division competitors.


    Later, a look at what’s up with Manny and Wells wanting to leave Boston. This is going to be a long and interesting off-season and the World Series isn’t even over yet.


    posted by FINY @ Friday, October 21, 2005   8 comments
    Thursday, October 20, 2005
    Our Butchering of the English Language Always Amazes Me
    What makes it worse is when it comes from the leader of our country.

    President Bush made the following statement about Hurricane Wilma (from cnn):

    "We got a job to make sure this hurricane headed toward Florida -- the federal response -- is prepared for it."

    There are so many things wrong with that sentence I can't even begin. The editor in my brain just had a stroke.


    posted by FINY @ Thursday, October 20, 2005   14 comments
    Wednesday, October 19, 2005
    On Why I’m Rooting for the White Sox
    Everyone knows the “Black Sox” story. It was the 1919 World Series. The Chicago White Sox against the Cincinnati Reds. The White Sox heavily favored to win the series after ending the season in first place, lost in 8 games.

    It eventually came out that eight players on the Sox; “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, Chick Gandil, Ed Cicotte, Swede Risberg, Fred McMullin, Lefty Williams, Happy Felsch, and Buck Weaver, had thrown the series. They had been paid by a prominent gambler in order to fix the odds. They haven’t won a World Series since.

    Now, as a Red Sox fan, I don’t believe in curses. Never have. I believe in bad management. Injury plagued seasons. Inept owners. But Billy goats, trades, and gambling are NOT reasons that teams lose.

    Was what happened in 1919 a black mark on baseball? Clearly. Just as steroids mar the game today these players (and I am not going to get into the Joe Jackson argument as that’s a WHOLE other post) took what is supposed to be a pure and simple game and dirtied it’s image. Since that time the team has carried their history around on their shoulders. It’s time to shake it free. The White Sox owners, manager, coaches, and players have nothing to do with what happened all those decades ago.

    There are many reasons I feel sympathy for the White Sox, the least of which being that I know how their fans feel wondering if they’ll ever see their team win it all while they’re alive. But then there’s also the gritty nature of their team that I enjoy. And for as much as I think Ozzy Gullien is an ass, at least he’s real. He says the type of shit most of us fans think all the time. Then there’s the fact that they share their market with the Cubs. The White Sox have a very devoted following, but the Cubs are one of those “America’s Darlings” teams.

    But one of the main reasons I am rooting for the Pale Hose – they beat my team to get where they are. I know this is going to anger some Red Sox fans, and I’m ok with that, but here’s my reasoning: If your team is knocked out of the post-season, don’t you at least want it to be by a team that does something with it? I mean if the White Sox had lost the ALCS wouldn’t you have thought, Well, Jesus the Sawx coulda done that!

    So there are a lot of reasons I’m behind the White Sox at the moment. Then again I may have to rethink my stance if it’s the Cardinals in the series with them. If there’s one thing I learned from last year’s Series it’s that they have some AMAZING fans out there, some of whom I’ve gotten to know through the blog world, and who I’d like to see as happy as we were last year.


    posted by FINY @ Wednesday, October 19, 2005   15 comments
    Tuesday, October 18, 2005
    Someone Slap the Cynicism Out of Me Please
    I’m serious, I need a good smack to the head.

    It’s no secret that my dating history has, let’s say, scarred me. Not in terms of becoming calloused and not opening myself up to people, but in the, I’m-always-assuming-the-worst kind of way.

    For example, The Twin really dislikes cats. Now, this was not, for a second, going to stop me from adopting one. He and I have only been dating for three months, it was only the other day that he actually acknowledged that he was my boyfriend, and there’s no way I would let a relationship that young have an influence on a decision this big. However, when I called him and told him on Sunday that I was now the proud owner of a kitten, his first reaction was a whining “Aw, why’d you have to go and do that?”.

    We talked for a while that night (Sunday), but I’ve heard hide nor hair of him since. Granted, it’s only Tuesday afternoon. But I got no email response to the pictures of the kitten, no phone call back when I left him a message inviting him over to join me and two of my friends at my place tonight for pizza and beer. Nothing.

    And it’s stupid, but I’m scared. The last guy I dated for a few months, assh0le, just disappeared. Yeah he called a month later acting like nothing had happened and that he’d just been really busy, but it was a BS line and he and I both knew it. To the point that when I called him out on it he didn’t even argue and I haven’t spoken to him since.

    Now the good, rational girl in me is reminding myself that you can’t blame current guys for past men’s shortcomings. But the emotional side can’t help it. And let me remind you, IT’S ONLY BEEN A DAY AND A HALF!!! I AM ACTING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON. SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP ME OUT OF IT!

    UPDATE: Thanks for all the comments everyone. I did end up talking to him last night, very late, as he was on his way home from the studio. Apparently the last two nights have been killer and tonight is promising to be the same so we made plans for Thursday. So I overreacted. Still wish he had sent an email when he had gotten home last night or something, but then again how many times have I come home so late that all I wanted to do was pass out?

    And he did ask how Tessie was doing, even refering to her by name, which I took as a good sign though I am not sure why. He even gave me some tips on how to get her to stop climbing all over me while I try to get ready in the morning (granted they were from when he and his family were trying to train their two dogs, but hey I'll take all the advice I can get.) So it's looking like the whole kitten thing isn't an issue at all.

    I'm a crazy person, that's all.


    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, October 18, 2005   12 comments
    Monday, October 17, 2005
    Introducing Tessie!
    I promise after this post I will stop being a Crazy Cat Mom ... at least around here anyway :)


    posted by FINY @ Monday, October 17, 2005   14 comments
    Welcome Home, Tessie
    Well, I finally did it, after a month and a half of talkng about it, I am the proud Momma to a 9 week old kitten named Tessie. She is, by far, the cutest kitten ever (of course, I am not biased at ALL!). I took an entire roll of film of her yesterday, her first day in her new home. I'm going to drop it off on my way to work today and post the pics as soon as I get them back. But for now she is around three pounds, all black except for two small patches of white on her two back paws and is currently obsessed with my laptop (it's taking me FOREVER to write this!).

    I had no idea it was possible to love something this much and I've only had her for less than 24 hours!!!


    posted by FINY @ Monday, October 17, 2005   11 comments
    Saturday, October 15, 2005
    Go IRISH!
    Cheer, cheer for Old Notre Dame
    Wake up the echoes cheering her name,
    Send the volley cheer on high,
    Shake down the thunder from the sky,
    What though the odds be great or small
    Old Notre Dame will win over all,
    While her loyal sons are marching
    Onward to Victory.


    posted by FINY @ Saturday, October 15, 2005   8 comments
    A Hangover That's Worth It For Once
    Most days that I wake up with a hangover all I can think is, was last night's fun really worth how crappy I feel right now?

    Today is NOT one of those days. Sure my head hurts, sure my body feels like I've been dragged under a bus for a couple hundred blocks, but hot DAMN was it worth it.

    Did you ever have one of those professors or administrators in college that you'd just LOVE to sit down and get shitty drunk with? That you'd just kill to get stories out of? Cultural Guy was mine. The head of the Cultural Center at Emerson (while I was there, he no longer works for the school) he advised the Orientation Staff that I served on during the summer between my sophomore and junior years. For three months the staff lived and worked together and our advisors were with us almost constantly while we were working. We got to know each other very well obviously, and Cultural Guy was always there with an interesting story and helpful hangover relief tips. As much as we loved his stories, all we wanted in the world was to get this guy to a bar, get him shitty, and listen to stories about his time in the Army, his experiences at Emerson, etc etc etc.

    Of course, that was a big administrative no no. Especially since 4 of the 6 of us were underage. But last night, as I sat at The Lighthouse Tavern on Fifth Avenue in Brooklyn, in walks - you guessed it - CULTURAL GUY!!! After a good hour of us doing the whole, "I can't believe it's you" routine we settled in for some serious drinking. And hours later, Meegan and I (both pretty drunk ourselves) had to walk Cultural Guy back to his sister's apartment and actually use his keys for him because he had too many Jack on the Rocks in him. It was freaking classic, and I loved every second of it.

    So yeah, the hangover this morning? SO worth it!

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    posted by FINY @ Saturday, October 15, 2005   4 comments
    Drinks and Good Friends
    We all have those days. The ones where you think the world is crashing around you. Or when you're confronted with the idea that you can't trust the people you thought you could. Or the one's when it seems that the work will never end. And of course it is always raining on those days.

    It's those days, the ones where all you want to do is shut yourself off and curl up under your comforter, that your friends matter most. The ones that will take you out to a dark neighborhood bar and force the story out of you.

    As the beer flows suddenly the petty woes of who likes who, who's talking about who, of who you can trust and who you can't, don't matter anymore. Replaced by real fears, and true feelings. And there's the comfort of knowing that right then, with those people, you are completely safe from judgement. You know you can say anything.

    I want to thank you, my friends, and you know who you are, for reminding me what is right and true in my life. Because nothing else matters except those you love, and who love you in return.

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    posted by FINY @ Saturday, October 15, 2005   5 comments
    Friday, October 14, 2005
    I'm It!
    I’ve been tagged by Meegan !!

    1. Go into your archive.
    2. Find your 23rd post.
    3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
    4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
    5. Tag five other people to do the same.

    Here’s mine:
    I saw him gently nod towards the stage at the end of songs instead of clapping.

    That was written way back before anyone ever read this damn thing :)

    I’m going to break the chain and not tag anyone. It always feels like so much pressure when someone tags you!


    posted by FINY @ Friday, October 14, 2005   4 comments
    Wednesday, October 12, 2005
    Memory Walk 2005
    I know that this will eventually give away my "real" name but the main reason I don't use my real name around here is because I don't want people to just be able to google the site using it. I just want to get the word out a bit more, so below is the email I sent out to basically everyone I know. There should be a Memory walk in your area too. So get involved!


    Hi Everyone,

    It's that time of year again! On Sunday, October 23, I'll be participating the the Alzheimer's Association, New York City Chapter Memory Walk. This is a cause that many of you know is close to my heart. I know that many of you have had loved ones who have been affected by the disease, as have I, and I wanted to invite you all to participate in the walk, and or donate to the cause.

    Proceeds from the Memory Walk go directly to improve the lives of those affected by Alzheimer's, currently more than 200,000 people who live in the 5 boroughs of New York City, as well as their family members and caregivers.

    If you're interested in walking with us, or donating to the team, visit my donations page. Thanks, everyone, and I hope to see you on October 23rd!



    posted by FINY @ Wednesday, October 12, 2005   12 comments
    A Drowned Rat
    For those of you not in the NYC area, it is monsooning today. And it's cold. And Finy? Without an umbrella. It broke about two seconds after I left my apartment leaving me to run four blocks to the subway. I was drenched by the time I got there. And though I bought an umbrella at the deli two blocks from my office I had to walk a block to get there and really? By that time? It was too late. I actually just went into the bathroom and dried my hair with paper towels because it was dripping and then proceeded to take off my jeans in order to wring them out. I still feel like I took a shower with my clothes on.

    I never should have come into work today.


    posted by FINY @ Wednesday, October 12, 2005   7 comments
    Tuesday, October 11, 2005
    A Letter From My Creative Self
    Hey Finy, over here! No, not that way, over HERE.

    There, Hi, remember me? That short story collection idea you’ve had ruminating for five years now? The one you chickened out on while deciding what direction to go in while writing your senior thesis? Remember that? Yeah, I’m still here, bitch. Now take me out for a spin.

    See, I’m getting pretty damned bored back here. I keep pointing out things that would work. Those postcards you keep picking up and stashing away in a drawer? I wanted to USE them damnit. I mean you’ve made me some nice accommodations back here. It’s a little dusty, but that image of the Brooklyn bridge you hung on the wall was a nice touch, and I loved the cushions stuffed with fuzzy sentence beginnings, but seriously, it’s time to stop decorating.

    I’ve gained a ton of weight. I’m growing fat on excuses and junk food. I got lazy for a while. But I’m sick of it. Honestly. You and I used to work as a team. We used to sit on the banks of the Charles alone save for a pencil and that tacky notebook you insisted on writing in.

    I know you’re scared but fuck it! You don’t like what I give you? Fine, don’t show it to anyone. But don’t just leave me alone back here with the rest of the unfinished goals you’ve set for yourself. That ass that keeps singing the national anthem over and over again is getting fucking annoying let me tell you.

    That’s right, get mad at me. Get pissed! Punch me! Whip me back into shape. Do SOMETHING. Because I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to keep tapping on the base of your subconscious until you just want to scream. Everyone else back here is content to only appear to you in dreams. The marathoner’s been running in place for years! I’m not going to be like that, man, I’m not going to sit here and let you just go about boozing it up and just talking about me. I can hear you you know. I can hear you TALKING about me, THINKING about me, but not actually doing a damn thing about it.

    Get up off your lazy ass, bitch. We’ve got work to do.

    Annoyingly yours,
    The Idea


    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, October 11, 2005   2 comments
    National Novel Writing Month
    This is an incredible idea. I can't even do it justice. I doubt I would succeed, but I am seriously thinking of participating:

    National Novel Writing Month

    Here's my favorite part of the FAQs page:
    If I'm just writing 50,000 words of crap, why bother? Why not just write a real novel later, when I have more time?
    There are three reasons.

    1) If you don't do it now, you probably never will. Novel writing is mostly a "one day" event. As in "One day, I'd like to write a novel." Here's the truth: 99% of us, if left to our own devices, would never make the time to write a novel. It's just so far outside our normal lives that it constantly slips down to the bottom of our to-do lists. The structure of NaNoWriMo forces you to put away all those self-defeating worries and START. Once you have the first five chapters under your belt, the rest will come easily. Or painfully. But it will come. And you'll have friends to help you see it through to 50k.

    2) Aiming low is the best way to succeed. With entry-level novel writing, shooting for the moon is the surest way to get nowhere. With high expectations, everything you write will sound cheesy and awkward. Once you start evaluating your story in terms of word count, you take that pressure off yourself. And you'll start surprising yourself with a great bit of dialogue here and a ingenious plot twist there. Characters will start doing things you never expected, taking the story places you'd never imagined. There will be much execrable prose, yes. But amidst the crap, there will be beauty. A lot of it.

    3) Art for art's sake does wonderful things to you. It makes you laugh. It makes you cry. It makes you want to take naps and go places wearing funny pants. Doing something just for the hell of it is a wonderful antidote to all the chores and "must-dos" of daily life. Writing a novel in a month is both exhilarating and stupid, and we would all do well to invite a little more spontaneous stupidity into our lives.

    To think about it practically, figure one single spaced typed page equals approximately 500 words. 50,000 words breaks down into about 1,600 words a day. So you're only looking at three or four pages a day. Easily doable. Yeah, it will probably be crap and no, I probably will not end up finishing, but this is the kind of thing that might actually be able to snap me out of the fiction writing funk I've been in for, oh, I don't know, the last couple years. Thanks to Dave Copeland for pointing this out!


    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, October 11, 2005   4 comments
    Monday, October 10, 2005
    Blogging From Barrington
    Sometimes, there's just nothing more necessary than a trip home. For a week and a half I've been wandering around, at work, in the apartment, even while out with friends, in a sort of pissed off daze. Nothing specific had happened (well that is until Friday when my Red Sox unceremoniously got swept out of the post season) I was just worn out. For a month and a half I had been pushing myself too hard. Too much drinking, too little sleep. Too much socializing, too little alone time.

    I should have known a long time ago what I needed was to come home. Because in the span of three days, which included: a dinner with my aunt, uncle, grandfather, mom, dad, and brother; a shopping trip, a haircut, more food than you can even imagine and and all of Season 4 of the West Wing on DVD, I head back to New York, ten pounds heavier (thanks Mom) with a lot less hair (I'm still mad at you crazy stylist) and a lot less stressed out.


    posted by FINY @ Monday, October 10, 2005   10 comments
    Friday, October 07, 2005
    Administrative Update
    A few recent additions to the links list:

    Jumping Off A Bridge: Esther, a former coworker, very good friend, and frequent commenter around these parts, FINALLY started her own blog. Welcome to the blogosphere Esther!

    The Importance of Being Idle: Another friend, Meredith, recently moved to London in order to get her Masters. She started the blog as a way to keep in touch with all of us back Stateside, but you should read it too, this girl ALWAYS has interesting stories.

    Blog: Derek Rose: I've been reading Derek's blog for quite some time. A reporter for the New York Daily News, avid runner, and fellow Sox fan, I actually got to meet him for the first time on Wednesday night. Derek, it was great to meet you, GO SOX!

    Grow Some Testicles: I have absolutely no idea how these girls found me, but I am SO glad they did. I found them because they linked back here and I've been obsessed every since. Four girls, living and loving in New York City. Think Sex and the City in blog format. It's fantastic.


    posted by FINY @ Friday, October 07, 2005   7 comments
    Subway Solution
    Ok, so I am feeling a bit silly for even being worried about the subway threat. I thought about it for a long time last night and I think the root of it is knowing how vulnerable the system is, and not having faith that anyone could adequately secure it. So my solution? Get into work at the ass crack of dawn (also known as 7:30) and leave after rush hour.

    I know nothing is going to happen today, but better safe than sorry right?

    God, when did I become my mother?


    posted by FINY @ Friday, October 07, 2005   8 comments
    Thursday, October 06, 2005
    NYC Subway Threat
    Well, here's an interesting conundrum ... the subway system in NYC has been the subject of a terrorist threat. Now, I am sure it's been the subject of many terrorists threats in the past. I mean, we are New York City, and the subway system, no matter how hard we try, can't be monitored completely when it carry's 7 million passengers a day, but well, check this out:

    From CNN

    Now here's my thought: if Bloomberg went out of his way to mention it, wouldn't it be tough for an attack to be carried out? I mean, isn't everyone on the subway now going to be looking around every second? Then again, it clearly must have been/is serious if they told the city about it because no Mayor wants his city to panic and you know that that's what's gonig to happen to a percentage of the public after that announcement.

    Sigh. I don't know. This is what happens when you live in a big city I guess. Tonight I won't feel threatened going home. It's past rush hour. Tomorrow morning? Yeah probably not going to feel great about piling onto a subway train. Especially since my subway stop is the third biggest in the city.

    I don't want it to bug me. I don't want to let terrorists disrupt my daily life. But this one's hitting a bit too close to home I guess.

    Hey puts the whole baseball thing into a bit more perspective, huh? :)


    posted by FINY @ Thursday, October 06, 2005   3 comments
    The One Where I Don't Blame Tony Graffanino
    I haven't looked at the Boston papers yet. Nor have I looked at the NY media. Or the Sox blogosphere. I've seen nothing because I'm afraid to see two words: Bill Buckner.

    In the instant that the routine ground ball skirted through Tony Graffanino's legs in the bottom of the fifth last night, those dreaded words were heard all over the bar. But just as Buckner can't be blamed for losing that series (remember there was still one more game left) Graff can't be blamed if the Sox lose this series. Nor can he be blamed even for last night's loss.

    The Sox had numerous occaisions to win that game last night. And you can point to most anyone on the team as contributing to the loss. Wells gave up the homer than put the White Sox ahead, Renteria grounding out to end the game even as he represented the tying run. No, this wasn't Graffanino's fault, it was the Red Sox fault.

    So here's to a day off, hopefully the Sox can gather themselves enough in this travel day to come back and win on Friday at Fenway. We've had our backs against the wall before. I still have faith.

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    posted by FINY @ Thursday, October 06, 2005   9 comments
    Tuesday, October 04, 2005
    The Sox, The Twin, and Z's Departure
    Worst.Blogger. Ever.

    Yeah, that’s me. I’ve been seriously slacking on the blogging duties. So just to get it out of the way, here’s a general: everything that’s going on in my head, update. I’ll get back to writing daily tomorrow. Promise.

    The Red Sox:

    Well, I spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday completely glued to the television. Friday was, of course, wonderful. Saturday sucked, Sunday, while it was fun to see the Sox beat up on the Yankees, was essentially meaningless. All it really gave us was the calming idea that while we lost the AL East, we technically tied them, both ending the season with the exact same record.

    But then again, I kind of like being the Wild Card team. I’d much rather be playing the White Sox, in Chicago, than watch the team trek to California to get beat up on by the Angels. I have my concerns. Our pitching staff being the biggest, but I think the Sox can pull this off. I really do. It may be blind optimism talking but 11 is now the magic number. And I will most definitely be watching every pitch.

    It’s sucking to be a Sox fan in the city at the moment though. While we have our safe havens around the city (Phebe’s, 212, the Riv, the Hairy Monk, the list keeps going) this is the time of year when every obnoxious Yankee fan just becomes completely unbearable. I actually got into a screaming fight on Saturday with three Yankee “fans” who were going on and on about the AL East championship. Now, this was probably fueled by more than a few drinks on both my part and his, but I had finally had enough. Usually I just keep walking. The kind of people who will yell at you on the street are not the kind of people you can have an intelligent baseball conversation with. But after a few too many beers I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I spun around on my heel and launched into it.

    “If the AL East is so important and you’ve won 8 of these in a row now, why is it that the last 3 you’ve won have gotten you absolutely nothing? When was the last time you won? Five years ago. Ok, just checking. It’s absolutely amazing to me that you people are still so arrogant after last year. Not only have you not won a World Series recently, you actually made history with how much you sucked in the ALCS last year. But oh yeah, I’m DEVESTATED that we didn’t take the AL East. Cause if we win the Wild Card, God what are we going to do? WC teams don’t win World Series …. Oh wait …”

    Now throughout all this they’re just screaming right back at me. Since I was yelling myself I couldn’t always hear what they were saying, but most of it had to do with 26 rings, 86 years, and can you believe: 1918. So finally I stop yelling and walk back to the crowd. It’s three rather overweight women and one guy. I calmly say, ok, I have to ask because you’re SO vehement about your team. Someone name the starting rotation.

    The girls looked at me like I was nuts. They couldn’t do it. Now, I had taken a gamble here, because if they had rattled them off I would have looked like a total ass. The guy turns to me and goes “Oh they’re not real Yankee fans”.

    “Then tell them to shut the fuck up and stick to arguments they actually know something about.”

    And with that I turned and walked away. Was it mature? Absolutely not. Was it the smartest thing to do ever? I mean, I probably could have gotten my ass kicked. But I was wearing a really short skirt and knee high boots and somehow this game me extra confidence. So no, it wasn’t mature and no, it wasn’t exactly a brilliant idea. But you don’t screw with a drunk Red Sox fan who’s just watched her team lose the division. Even if she is in enemy territory.

    The Twin:

    Been a few ups and downs lately. We’ve been spending a TON of time together, I’ve stayed at his apartment a lot more recently (easier than my place since I have two roommates and he lives alone) and I’ve thoroughly moved past the “worrying too much” issues mainly due to the fact that he’s clearly been making such an effort to hang out with me. For example Saturday night, while completely exhausted from a full day of work, he stayed out with me and had a couple drinks so that he could get to say goodbye to Z who was leaving for London (more on that later). It should be noted that he’d only met Z ONCE, but I think he knew how much she means to me, and how upset I was that she was leaving. And it said a lot to me that even being that tired, and knowing he had to get up at the ass crack of dawn the next day that he still came out with us for a few drinks.

    It’s little things like that that have made me feel a lot better about things recently. But then Sunday night, after seeing Z off at the airport, as I was sitting outside absolutely sobbing because she was gone I gave the Twin a call. I knew he was with a really important client, and I knew the shoot was going to go really late, but I was hoping I could catch him at a slow time or something. His voicemail picked up, ok, fine, I left a rather teary voicemail.

    He didn’t call back until last night.

    This bugged me. I was sitting, by myself, outside an airport, bawling. I needed someone to talk to. I can COMPLETELY understand that he was working. What I DON’T understand is why he didn’t call on his walk from the studio he was at to his company’s studio. Or why he didn’t shoot me an email the next day. Something. ANYTHING. When the girl your dating leaves a teary message on your phone, isn’t the immediate reaction to at least make sure she’s alright? And if it’s not, shouldn’t it be?

    I, of course, wimped out on saying any of this to him last night. He could tell I was upset and he’s not much of a phone talker, but our conversation lasted almost an hour. At the end of it I looked up at the phone and was like “Oh, shit I didn’t even realize”. I felt a little bad because he hadn’t eaten dinner yet, he had called me when he got home last night (somewhere around 9) and it was then almost ten. His response “Don’t worry you sound like you needed that”. And I did. But what I need more was a little more reassurance that he actually did care that I was upset the night before. And I still don’t feel like I got that.

    Z’s departure:

    That’s Z there on the left. Z and I met through the Welshman back in, what, February-sih, at a concert at the Roxy. It’s amazing how, in the span of nine months someone can become so important to you, but she did.

    Z was living in the US on a temporary Visa while she was with a one year internship program. Not finding a job here once the program was over, she was forced to move back to London this week. It’s odd not having her around, already. Sure we can email, sure we can call, but it’s not the same as meeting in the park for lunch, grabbing a beer after work, seeing a show together. I can’t tell her that she’s once again wearing her purse using only one shoulder strap, or have her laugh at the crazy-assed things I do. I can’t make fun of her when she orders a coke and vodka (I mean come on people Coke and VODKA? I literally just shuddered, as I did every time she ordered it).

    Seeing her off at the airport was the worst. It didn’t feel real until she was going through security and I bust out into tears. And as she walked down the hallway, turning back to wave God knows how many times (cause there was no way in hell I was leaving until I couldn’t see her anymore) I just cried even more.

    As mentioned above, I called the Twin, but after leaving a message gave my mom a call. I can’t imagine how pathetic I looked sitting outside Newark Airport, cross-legged on a pylon, literally bawling. Or how ridiculous I looked doing the same thing on the air train connecting the airport to the train station. Or on NJTransit back into the city.

    I know she’ll come visit, and I know we won’t lose touch, but that was a really tough night for me, and I had to do it alone. Usually I pride myself on being ok on my own. This was not one of those nights. All I needed in the world was a hug. Actually to be honest even to this very minute all I need is a hug, and I still haven’t had anyone around to be able to do so.

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    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, October 04, 2005   18 comments
    About Me

    Name: FINY
    Home: New York, New York, United States
    About Me: Just a New England girl trying to make it in NYC. Email me at: soxfaninnyc [at] gmail [dot] com
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