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    Monday, November 27, 2006
    Behind Closed Doors
    I have a history of being in misunderstood relationships. Starting all the way back in high school with Yact Boy, people have questioned my choices in partners. My high school sweetheart, WPI Guy, The Ex, Crazy Rebound Guy (ok those were well-founded), The Twin; all relationships that lasted a year or longer, during each of which I heard things like You two are just so different, He's so insensitive, and You can do better. Even my current relationship with Barnard Boy is under scrutiny, It's so soon!

    For almost a decade I've been repeating the same mantra: Unless you're in the relationship, you just don't know. And I really do believe that. But why is it so hard to remember when you're talking about other people's lives? When it comes to ourselves, we understand. No one but the two of you knows what goes on when you go home at night. People see you together, out at the bar, at dinner with friends, or at a party. But alone, on the couch watching TV, in a cab, behind closed doors? No one sees that but you.

    And yet, as a society, we forget that. When couples like Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, or even Britney Spears and Kevin Federline call it quits it's front page news. You hear things like I thought they were so happy, How could this happen, and Well, it's about time. Forgetting that not only do they not know the intimate details of these people's love lives, but that they don't know these people full stop.

    And we don't just do this with relationships we think are doomed or are already troubled. When we see celebrities, friends, or family members in relationships we think are happy. Stable. We're shocked to find out that there are problems. As if every relationship doesn't have them. Why do we hold on so tightly to those that we think set the ideal, be it our parents, our friends, or people we don't even know? Is it because, for those of us who are not married, we're looking for confirmation that the institute of marriage can work? That in today's culture of short marriages and high divorce rates we crave the affirmation of a happy couple?

    I don't know the answers to the questions I've just posed. Hell, I am not even really sure there are any. What I do know is that I've got two friends who are going through some rough stuff right now, and I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how much I offer my support, my shoulder to cry on, any comfort I could possibly give, it isn't going to make it hurt any less. And when my friends are in pain all I want in the world is to take even just a little bit of that pain away. For now I am just going to have to hope that my being there is enough. Cause when it comes to stuff like this, there's not much someone outside the relationship can do.


    posted by FINY @ Monday, November 27, 2006   6 comments
    Tuesday, November 21, 2006
    Homeward Bound
    Homeward bound, I wish I was, homeward bound

    Oh wait, I am! And I couldn't be happier about it. I know I'll miss NYC while I'm gone, and I will most definitely miss my kitty, who I leave in Meegan's more than capable hands, but God I just can't wait to round the bend on Rt. 114 in East Providence and see Hundred Acre Cove. To walk into my family room to be wrapped into a never-ending hug from my mother. To see my little brother who's home on his first college break. To visit with family, and friends, and eat turkey, and stuffing, and everything else that goes along with Thanksgiving.

    I'm not bringing any books on the train ride. Or magazines. Or DVDs, crosswords, or any other piece of paraphernalia that could possibly keep my entertained on my 4 hour train ride home other than my laptop and a pen and notebook. I will be doing nothing but writing tonight, and every night from here on until the 30th. I'm woefully behind in my word count, but I feel like my plot has finally got some traction, my characters are taking on a certain amount of depth, and I'm finally starting to feel a little hopeful that this project might actually be worth revising in the end instead of simply walking away from which is what I've wanted to do to every other piece of writing I've gotten down on paper in the last four years.

    And now, here's the admission I've been avoiding making.

    Oh God, am I really going to tell you this?

    Well, I have to now, since I've teased you with it.

    Ok, dear internet, this book I'm working on? It's ... it's ... it's chick lit! Part of me wants to hang my BFA in Writing, Literature, and Publishing filled head in shame. But the bigger part of me? The one that's pushing me through this entire Nanowrimo experience, hasn't had this much fun writing in a long long LONG time. So judge me if you must, and I know some people who read here will, but I'm about to finish writing an entire novel in one month and I've never been happier doing it. What have YOU done this month?

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    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, November 21, 2006   7 comments
    Friday, November 17, 2006
    Things That Excite Me
    ... getting a call from a friend who has an extra ticket to tonight's Modest Mouse concert at Bowery Ballroom. Woohoo!


    posted by FINY @ Friday, November 17, 2006   0 comments
    Thursday, November 16, 2006
    Reminding Myself
    The last couple months haven't been what we'd call the happiest times. A lot of shit has gone wrong, gone right, and then gone wrong again. There was the cockroaches, The Twin, the purse, and now I don't know if I'm going to have a job in two months time.

    So it's time to remind myself that these are all fleeting things. The cockroaches are gone, and I am now left with an extremely cute apartment that I love. The shit with The Twin has just made me more appreciative of how things are going with Barnard Boy. Ok, there was absolutely no upside to my purse being stolen, but hey, every time I've switched jobs it's always worked out for the best, so I'm going to look at this as an opportunity.

    And in the long run? This still holds true.

    Sometimes, you just need to remind yourself.


    posted by FINY @ Thursday, November 16, 2006   4 comments
    Tuesday, November 14, 2006
    A Little Help?
    There are a lot of reasons I don't talk about work in this space that often. It's a dangerous topic to touch. People have been fired for less. And even if a current employer doesn't mind, if a blogger is out there looking for a new job, the potential for someone to not get an interview, or not get a job because of their personal blogs is not out of the realm of possibility.

    And that's exactly the scenario I'm looking at right now. The unfortunate reality of working in the non-profit world is that the money can dry up, and it can dry up quick. And that's the situation I'm being faced with right now. Less than a year into my job, a job I love more than anything, I've got to face the music and start looking for another place of employ. And this isn't me speculating. This is my boss telling me that it's a good idea to keep my options open. Because we don't have a time frame. And it might not happen. But even if it doesn't, do I really want to stay? Because there'd be very little left to work on, even if they do keep us all around.

    So I'm back where I was last January. And if anyone knows of any non-profit communications positions ... well, send 'em my way.

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    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, November 14, 2006   1 comments
    Congratulations, Hanley
    I have to say, I am happy for the Marlin's shortstop, Hanley Ramirez, for winning the NL Rookie of the Year. But at the same time, I'm still a little sad we let him go.

    The Sox should find out today if they were the highest bidders in the race to talk to Daisuke Matsuzaka, a Japanese pitcher, supposedly the next big thing. Right now, I am just amused by the process in general. MLB teams had to submit closed bids just to be able to TALK to this guy. Just to talk to him about contract negotiations. If the winning team doesn't come to an agreement with him, or more accurately, with his agent Scott Boras, then he stays in Japan for one more year and becomes a free agent. Which is a scary prospect considering how much this guy could garner.

    I don't really know what to think about Matsuzaka. Everything I've read indicates he's just nasty. But he's pitched a LOT of innings. Since 1999 he's pitched less than 100 innings only once, and he's topped out at 240 (in 2001). If his arm can hold up and continue producing the way he is, I'll be the happiest Sox fan around. But the Sox have gotten burned by big time pitching deals in the past ... so let's say I'm skeptical. Then again, we don't even know if the Sox are allowed to speak with him yet, so who knows.

    In the meantime, I am going to go try to figure out how I can incorporate this blind bidding system into my everyday life ...

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    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, November 14, 2006   2 comments
    Monday, November 13, 2006
    And Just As An Update
    I'm WAY behind on my word count for Nanowrimo, but still committed to finishing my novel by the 30th. Recent favorite dialogue exchange:

    "Well, it doesn't look like you exactly came from a rousing game of paintball now does it?" She said, cocking one eyebrow.

    His laugh was deep and hearty, "Sure felt like one. Bad blind date; even worse than a paintball to the groin."


    posted by FINY @ Monday, November 13, 2006   1 comments
    This Might Be An Unpopular Viewpoint
    I've recently been reading the book, Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy, and it's made me think quite a bit about how we, as individuals, and as a culture, define ourselves.

    Throughout the text, Levy questions the women of the world who wear revealing clothing, read Playboy, are interested in sports, or have visited strip clubs. Her stance, although this is simplifying it quite a bit, is that though the feminist movement gave women the freedom to work and play as they choose, most women today are still, albeit subconsciously, defining themselves in terms of the way men see them. Women who wear provocative clothing are using their sexual attractiveness as a way to gain power. Women who drink beer, watch sports, don't object to strip clubs, etc. are supposedly trying to make themselves more like men in order to gain acceptance.

    Again, I am oversimplifying, but what I ended up walking away from the book thinking was "Why is it that Levy seems to think that everything I do, every thought I have, every action I take, has to be taken in the context of my gender?" When I wake up in the morning, I don't immediately think "Gee, it's great to be a woman!" I mean, sure, it IS great, but it's not an ever present thought. I'm a lot of things. I'm a woman, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter. I'm white. I'm a New Yorker, but I'm also a Bostonian. And a Rhode Islander. I'm a Red Sox lover. I'm a reader, a writer, an editor. I'm a friend, a girlfriend. I'm a whole mess of contradictions and similarities. And none of the things I could list myself as being are either mutually exclusive, nor dependent on one another.

    I'm me. That's it. That's the only way I want myself defined. I applaud the feminist movement and thank them for giving me the opportunity to make my own choices in life. I have it better now because of them. I guess I am just hoping, and probably unrealistically, that we've progressed to the point that I don't need to define myself as anything other than me. But after reading FCP, I'm wondering exactly how unpopular that idea really is ...

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    posted by FINY @ Monday, November 13, 2006   3 comments
    Tuesday, November 07, 2006
    I Voted, Did You?
    Well, I have to admit it, I am glad I told so many people that I was participating in Nanowrimo; it's kept me motivated at the times when all I could think was, holy hell, how in the world am I going to be able to get this done. But the emails, the phone calls, the instant messages, the comments, all asking how it's going have been just the fire under my ass that I needed. Overall, it's going ok. I'm somewhere around 8,000 words, which is a bit below pace, but I can make it up this weekend.

    But that's not what today's post is about. Today is election day and I would be remiss if I didn't mention it. Plus I have a confession to make. Today is the first day I've ever voted non-absentee ballott. Not only that, but it's the first time I've voted in a non-presidential election. With that in mind, here's my question to the country? How is it that people don't get more excited about voting?

    No, really, I am confused. Absentee balloting can be anti-climactic, even I'll admit to that. You fill in your ballot way before everyone else, and the only sense of accomplishment you get is from closing the mailbox door. All the while you're thinking "Is it really going to get there? Is my vote really going to be counted?"

    But today was totally different for me. Walking up to the Brooklyn Museum, saying hello to one of the candidates for State Assembly, whom I've now met numerous times, checking in with District 29, and stepping inside the curtains of the voting booth? It felt like hallowed ground. I was exhilarated. I felt like a part of the process. Like all those news stories, and op eds, and political bloggers I've read over the past several months haven't all been for naught. Clicking off the Xs by the names of the candidates I favored, and then pulling that red lever with a resounding CERCHUNK. How are people not addicted to that? It's like a high! How was my polling station not mobbed?

    Does this sentiment make me a huge dork? Of course it does, though I'd say it's more of a contributing factor since, really, so many parts of my life contribute to my dork status (and if you've been reading here for any length of time, you already know that).

    So if you haven't voted yet today, go. I don't care who you vote for, what party you're affiliated with, or if you want to write in Kermit the Frog for every position. Just go. Because how can we complain about our representation if we couldn't even be bothered to get our lazy asses up off the couch to pull a couple levers?

    Oh, and the unexpected voters high is quite nice, too.


    posted by FINY @ Tuesday, November 07, 2006   11 comments
    Wednesday, November 01, 2006
    1,888 Words Down, 48,112 To Go
    Favorite sentence from tonight's writing endeavors?:

    No one, and I mean no one, should have to look at your naked, fat ass while sober."

    I'm 5 pages in and I have no idea where the hell this is going, but hey, at least I started. Here's to 29 more days of writing complete crap.


    posted by FINY @ Wednesday, November 01, 2006   7 comments
    About Me

    Name: FINY
    Home: New York, New York, United States
    About Me: Just a New England girl trying to make it in NYC. Email me at: soxfaninnyc [at] gmail [dot] com
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