Miles from Fenway: Behind Closed Doors

I have a history of being in misunderstood relationships. Starting all the way back in high school with Yact Boy, people have questioned my choices in partners. My high school sweetheart, WPI Guy, The Ex, Crazy Rebound Guy (ok those were well-founded), The Twin; all relationships that lasted a year or longer, during each of which I heard things like You two are just so different, He's so insensitive, and You can do better. Even my current relationship with Barnard Boy is under scrutiny, It's so soon!

For almost a decade I've been repeating the same mantra: Unless you're in the relationship, you just don't know. And I really do believe that. But why is it so hard to remember when you're talking about other people's lives? When it comes to ourselves, we understand. No one but the two of you knows what goes on when you go home at night. People see you together, out at the bar, at dinner with friends, or at a party. But alone, on the couch watching TV, in a cab, behind closed doors? No one sees that but you.

And yet, as a society, we forget that. When couples like Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, or even Britney Spears and Kevin Federline call it quits it's front page news. You hear things like I thought they were so happy, How could this happen, and Well, it's about time. Forgetting that not only do they not know the intimate details of these people's love lives, but that they don't know these people full stop.

And we don't just do this with relationships we think are doomed or are already troubled. When we see celebrities, friends, or family members in relationships we think are happy. Stable. We're shocked to find out that there are problems. As if every relationship doesn't have them. Why do we hold on so tightly to those that we think set the ideal, be it our parents, our friends, or people we don't even know? Is it because, for those of us who are not married, we're looking for confirmation that the institute of marriage can work? That in today's culture of short marriages and high divorce rates we crave the affirmation of a happy couple?

I don't know the answers to the questions I've just posed. Hell, I am not even really sure there are any. What I do know is that I've got two friends who are going through some rough stuff right now, and I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how much I offer my support, my shoulder to cry on, any comfort I could possibly give, it isn't going to make it hurt any less. And when my friends are in pain all I want in the world is to take even just a little bit of that pain away. For now I am just going to have to hope that my being there is enough. Cause when it comes to stuff like this, there's not much someone outside the relationship can do.

Labels: dating

posted by FINY @ Monday, November 27, 2006

5 Comments:

At 11/27/2006, Esther said…

Being there as a shoulder to cry on is all you can really do. You've been there for me, I've been there for you. But knowing that you're there does more for a person than s/he can even know.
At 11/27/2006, Ari said…

Finy,

Agree with your thoughts 100% as a married man, i can say you get all the advice in the world, but its what is in your heart and your head that will lead you to a happy and full life. So let the good times roll.
At 11/27/2006, Anonymous said…

It's all you can do is be there for someone. Everyone needs different things at that time. So all you can do is offer to be there for whatever they need.

Thanks for the time you were there for me.
At 11/27/2006, Anonymous said…

I admire and appreciate what you are saying and feel happy that I have a friend that I can count on and I hope can count on me. A friend who cheers up her freinds whether it requires a hug, pat on the back, ice cream, pint of beer or even a late night trip to the Foxy Lady!
At 11/30/2006, Chief Slacker said…

I think the advice really depend on who it's coming from. I quite often have an excellent read on people, and have been told I give excellent advice. Though, that's really only relevant to people I'm fairly close to. And it's quite obviosuly doesn't work with myself since I really suck aty my own relationships. It's easier sometimes to see things when you're not emotionally involved in the situation I guess.