Miles from Fenway

First off, for those of you new to the blog, you may need some back story here, so check out the following:

The Beginning: A Social Experiment
Expanding the Experiment
The First Update
An Email from Craigslist

Now for the “raw data”.

Nine of the men who responded to my ad agreed to answer my questions. Only three of them actually responded to the questions, but I've included the emails from the guys who agreed to participate even if they didn't respond to the survey since I now have it in writing that they agreed to the project (and I'm not using any of their real names). Anyway, I thought you guys might want to see what they had to say. I’ve posted the email correspondence back in the January archives as I didn’t want to bulk up the front page. I’ve only got five of them up there so far as it’s taking a while to format them all, but I’ll update this post every time I get another one up.

After reviewing the craigslist policies further I realized that the reason I got flagged was because two of the ads were running simultaneously in San Francisco and London. I’ve created a new email address (I have about a thousand now!) and think it may be time to get this started again.

I am still planning on trying to turn this into an article of some sort, and I have some comments on the various emails I’ve received, but I’ll post more about that later. For now, enjoy!

NYC Response 1 – The Rower
NYC Response 2 – The Actor
NYC Response 3 – The Alias
NYC Response 4 – The Fellow Jokester
NYC Response 5 - The Swedish Security Officer

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Wednesday, June 29, 2005 8 comments

Thursday, June 23, 2005

BUSTED!

Well, it had to happen sooner or later, but I am AMAZED that it happened now.

I posted my little social experiment on craigslist for San Francisco this evening. Withing two hours I received this email from craigslist:

Your posting has been removed by the craigslist community.

Several craigslist readers flagged it for the following reasons:

PROHIBITED:
posting appears to conflict with craigslist Terms of Use http://www.craigslist.org/about/terms.of.use.html#conduct
MISCATEGORIZED:
posting appears to be in the wrong category
The flagging system is a work-in-progress, with all the pros and cons of a democracy - Please post suggestions for improvement in the feedback forum:

http://forums.craigslist.org/?forumID=8

After reviewing your posting and our policies, if you are convinced that those flagging your post were mistaken, please feel free to repost.

Sorry for the hassle! and thanks for your understanding.

Ok, the miscategorized thing I can understand, I had been posting in the "apartments" section and not the "rooms/shares" section since it was more visible, but if you follow the link about "conduct" you'd get the impression that the people of San Fran were actually offended by my offer.

Much as I was the first time I saw an ad with the gender roles reversed.

So this may be the end of my using craigslist for this. However, I've been writing back and forth with a nine of the original respondents (seven from NYC, two from Boston) so I'll post their responses to all my questions as soon as I organize them. I am just still a bit in shock that the one other city in the country that could rival NYC in housing prices would be the city I got caught in.

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Thursday, June 23, 2005 10 comments

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The First Installment

So here it is, FINALLY, what you’ve all been waiting for … *Finy cues the drum roll* ….

THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF “THE DESPERATE THINGS MEN WILL DO TO LIVE CHEAPLY”

I am calling this the first installment because I plan on continuing this little “experiment” for quite a bit longer. But just to catch people up:

I began this thing as a joke, to be honest. I thought it was appalling that men all over Manhattan were offering reduced rent to “attractive females willing to cook, clean, and walk around in their lingerie”. All I could think was “What woman would do such a thing, would demean themselves in that way, just to live in a desirable neighborhood for next to nothing?” The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. Why did men think they could get away with this? Well, probably because people were responding. I am certain there were women responding or people wouldn’t keep trying it (more on the follow up on that later).

So in talking to some friends, we came up with the idea to switch things around. I had a hypothesis that there was no way men would respond to a similar ad. An ad requesting an attractive young man, to cook and clean for me without a shirt on? Never. I could see women doing it, but never men!

So I posted this ad on craigslist for NYC. And I was amazed at the responses.

The first email I received was one sentence. And it was a simple enough question “Can I still have girls over”. He didn’t describe himself, he didn’t send a picture. Harmless right?

Things began to get more interesting over the three days that I kept the ad up. Some of my favorites included a VERY attractive rower from UNC. His email was quite tame actually, talking about how he loves to cook, and goes to the gym often. He actually seemed quite sweet, which made me feel a bit bad that I was misleading people like this.

That didn’t last long. A few hours after posting the ad, I received an email from a guy we’ll call “the actor”. The actor immediately described himself as NOT 20-something and a former actor/model who was in reasonable shape. He included a link to his picture but I should have been tipped off when his PS read “Sometimes older men know things young ones don't.”

I still clicked the link to his website. And then I fell on the floor. The man was easily late fifties and looked a bit like John Kerry in certain shots. The page was a series of headshots, I am assuming in order to get himself work. The bio on the site mentioned things like a failed marriage and a teenage son. Yowza!

All told I received 30 responses to the ad. Some of my favorites were a Swedish UN security officer who sent pictures from his time serving in Liberia, the 28-year-old who offered to “give me everything I need” and to “do all chores naked”, the COUPLE that wanted to move in, and the entertainment “executive” who needed to look the part by having a place on Lexington Avenue and thought that letting me know that all of his friends were models and actors would help him get the place (THAT email was more than sketchy).

After sifting through 34 emails of blatant self-fluffing and some very amusing pictures (surprisingly NO nudes!) I started thinking. Ok, the men of New York City are obviously very desperate. I wonder what it’s like in other cities. After consulting with my friends yet again (who had all been enjoying the emails I was being sent as of COURSE I was forwarding them) I decided to expand this venture.

I posted the ad in Boston.

Surprisingly, VERY few men have responded from there thus far. You Bostonians are a bit more prudish, eh? Just kidding, it hasn’t been the full three days that I left the NYC ad up, but at this point, I’ve only received four responses from Boston and all of them were very tame.

So here’s the plan now. I am going to post the ad in London and San Francisco next. I want to compare cities in various areas (and countries). The thing that has surprised me the most is how many rational and non-skeevy emails I received. A lot of these men seemed like they were just broke and needed a place to live.

To try to get some more insight behind their motives, I’ve emailed them ALL back. Telling them about the experiment, how I would like to write an article about it, and asking if they’d be interested in participating. I haven’t received any responses yet, but if and when I do, you’ll definitely get an update.

I’ve also emailed the two original men, who I linked to here to see if they were getting as many responses as I was. If I’m really going to do this, I should have something to compare it to.

So keep checking for more emails from various cities, and more about these guys lives, if they’ll let me use them (though wouldn’t it be ironic if they got upset at me for using them for a potential article, but wouldn’t mind me using them as eye-candy? Lol.)

And I will say, I am sorry I'm not FULLY quoting the guys emails yet. I want to make sure they don't mind be associated with this before posting. After some of the experiences I've had with some of the content of this site, the last thing I want to do is make things worse ;)

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Tuesday, June 21, 2005 9 comments

Monday, June 20, 2005

Experiment Update

No, no "Best Of" yet, but I have decided to expand the experiment a bit. After talking to some friends over the weekend, a few fun ideas came about. One being that perhaps this would make a good Village Voice article, another being that it would be interesting to see if people in other cities are as desperate as they are here in NYC. I'll begin posting the ad in cities across the country sometime today. If anyone has any suggestions on cities/neighborhoods, feel free to post them!

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Monday, June 20, 2005 8 comments

Friday, June 17, 2005

A Social Experiment

Over the last week I’ve been searching through Craigslist for potential living situations. With one, if not potentially both, of my roommates leaving the apartment in the next few months, I figured it was time to start taking a look around.

In so doing, I stumbled across an astonishing trend. Check these two listings out:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/roo/77597483.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/roo/78749479.html

It seems that there is a new trend in the real-estate market in NYC! There are men, all over the city, offering ridiculously low rents in order to have young, attractive roommates who will do their cooking and cleaning (and in the case of that first poster, possibly more).

This absolutely amazed me. And what actually bothered me was that I was sure that these men were getting responses from people!

So I had a thought. And an evil one at that.

I wondered if the genders were reversed would the listing still get responses?

So here’s what I did. I’ll let you know the outcome of this little social experiment next week.

EDIT: Here's the ad. I've taken it off of Craigslist: NYC, it's now listed on Craigslist: Boston ... more cities to come.

Hi there! I have an available room in a luxury two bedroom apartment on Lexington Ave. It’s a fantastic place with high ceilings, hardwood floors, a doorman, and a fully decorated living room with state-of-the-art entertainment system. The bedroom available is 10x12 and is available immediately. It’s very close to public transportation and in a great area

I am looking for one male roommate who could help provide services in exchange for greatly reduced rent.

It might sound crazy but this is a great opportunity for a new college graduate or someone just starting out in NYC. I am an extremely busy 28-year-old female professional who travels quite often for work. So you’d actually have the apartment to yourself for a majority of the time.

By “services” I don’t mean sex, it would just be nice to have an attractive male around the house to help with the cooking and cleaning, perhaps without a shirt on.

So if you’re an attractive 20-something male who’s interested, please email me and describe yourself, and perhaps send a picture. I look forward to hearing from you.

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Friday, June 17, 2005 16 comments

Saturday, January 01, 2005

NYC Response 1 - The Rower

From: The Rower
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 17, 2005 2:36 PM
Subject: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy
I'm responding to your ad on craigslist. I am 24 (5-11, 180 lbs),
just out of college, work in the accounting profession.

Have a very ripped body, was a varsity rower in college (UNC Chapel Hill).

I cook (and bake) and am very clean. I work weekdays and go to the gym either after or before work every day.

Picture is attached. Would love to hear from you.

"The Rower"

It should be noted here that he sent three pictures of himself. For a minute I got excited at how hot this guy was. Then I realized I was never going to meet him. Damn.

I replied to his email a few days later, explaining the experiment and asking if he would mind participating. I received this response:

From: "The Rower"
To: finy apartment
Date: Jun 22, 2005 10:07 AM
Subject: Re: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy

Finy:
What a great idea! Of course I'm not upset. I found a great 2-bedroom in Park Slope with a buddy of mine. We're moving there August 1.

However, here's the catch about me: I'm gay. So, my answers might not be useful in regards to being a man sexualized by women.

But whatever I can do to help your study, let me know. I think that the whole man to woman, woman to man sexualization boils down to submissive vs dominant. You can see it a lot in the gay community with "tops" and "bottoms" (sorry, do not know the clinical terms for these).

All the best,
"The Rower"

Damn! Now not only was I sad that I would never get to meet him, now I couldn't even FANTASIZE about him anymore! I emailed him back, telling him I would still love for him to participate. We talked a few times over email before I finally got my questions together, and it's possible I've made a new gay boyfriend out of the deal!

Finally I sent him my questions, and here are his responses:

From: "The Rower"
To: finy apartment
Date: Jun 24, 2005 10:09 AM
Subject: Re: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy

Finy:
Please see the answers below.
"The Rower"

On 6/23/05, finy apartment wrote:
> Name: "The Rower">
> Where do you currently live (neighborhood is fine): Harlem
> How old are you? 24
> What do you do for a living? Tax Accountant - International Executive Services
> Do you live with roommates, parents, or on your own? Alone
> What about this arrangement appealed to you? Cheap rent, desire for something unorthodox
> Can you actually cook and clean? Absolutely. My apartment is very clean, and I can make a mean Hollandaise
> Did you intentionally withhold the fact that you were gay? Absolutely
Would you have told your potential roommate before moving in? Not sure, most likely
> Did you make any assumptions about the poster's identity? No. I figured I'd meet the person if she was interested so there was no point to think about it. Although I did think that being gay might affect her desire to have me around. In which case I thought it might be worth concealing it since she didn't want to sleep with me anyhow.
> If you had moved into the apartment do you think you would have told
> your friends/family about the arrangement? Absolutely, both friends and family
> Any other comments?
>
> Ok, I think that's all for now. Congrats again on finding the new place! Thank you kindly.

I think it ads an interesting twist on the experiment that The Rower was gay. I've sent him a follow up asking if it had been a gay man posting the ad if it would have made a difference to him.

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Saturday, January 01, 2005 0 comments

NYC Response 2 - The Actor

From: "The Actor"
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 17, 2005 3:13 PM
Subject: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy

Hi,

I'm not twenty something, but I often go about 'chores' without a shirt. I'm a former actor/model, still in relatively good shape. I have a website so you can see for yourself.

I use to live on 35th between Park & Lexington, and like the Murray Hill area.

I've very handy, in all domestic things from cooking to cleaning.

However, I do smoke and that might be acceptable.

My website is *Note from Finy, I am deleting this just so he doesn't get a ton of emails or anything*. My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX

Thanks for considering me. It's a great ad. I'd very much like to meet you.

PS Sometimes older men know things young ones don't.

The PS is really what had me rolling in my cubicle. I went to his website and thought, this guy is EASILY 55, and actually, sort of looks like John Kerry! I was praying he would agree to answer my questions. After sending him the same explanatory email I sent The Rower, I received this response:

From: The Actor
To: finy apartment
Date: Jun 22, 2005 12:48 PM
Subject: Re: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy
Finy,

I thought it was too good to be true!
I'd love to have you ask me questions. I'm 61 and have a 25 year son at Harvard, and I raised him.
I have an affinity with the young and old, the beautiful and damned. I used to be an actor and I'm returning to Manhattan to pursue it. It's rare in people lives that they finally realize they can do what they want. So when I saw your ad, and having already lived in Murray Hill for 2 1/2 years back in the 70's (before you were born), I thought that if I just stayed a couple of months and got to know some people, preferably young, energetic and fun, then I could find a place of my own, and still remain friends.
By all means, pitch the idea to magazines. It's timely. I'd be more than glad to participate.
"The Actor" Tel XXX-XXX-XXXX
Look forward to meeting you someday.

Oh man, it just kept getting better and better. He has a son MY AGE. Can you imagine what his son would have felt like had his dad agreed to this? So along went the questions. Here's his response:

From: "The Actor"
To: finy apartment
Date: Jun 24, 2005 8:56 AM
Subject: Re: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy
Finy,

I hope you make this into a salable piece and have fun too. As I said, it's a very good idea.

Live: Saratoga Springs, NY. Just sold my house and moving to Manhattan . Lived there many years ago in the Murray Hill area.
Living: I've been a headhunter in the Banking Industry for the last 19 years.

Living arragements: I live alone. My son went off to college 7 years ago, and I've been alone since. He was the reason I left Manhattan 20 years ago. I got custody of him when he was 5, and is now in graduate school at Harvard.

Appeal: Since Manhattan has changed so much, I thought that if I had a share or sublet for a couple of months, it would be a very easy way to figure out where in the city I wanted to locate. And your ad was incredibly cheap, $100 a month, and 'Chores'.

Cook and Clean: Yes. I was in the army for 3 years, and if you can't clean you never see town. As for cooking, I'm a very fine 'camp cook'. That is, simple, fresh, nutritious/healthy, and sometimes fancy with candles and little music, and some romance. I like a little romance at the end of the day, at nightfall, a dusk or early evening. When you get older, you no doubt will too. It's as important as good nutrition. And by romance, I don't mean sex. I mean conversation, memories, expectations, enjoying another person's company, whose company you enjoy. Then is everything romantic? It can be, but you have to be a poet to see everything that way.

Unattractive: Yes. Life is temporary. Then why not a live-in situation?

Assumptions: Yes. I hoped that the person would be wonderful, and I was right. I went this maverick named Finy. As to identity, I had a hunch that the woman was feeling a little risque in advertising for what she said she wanted, but something didn't fit. It was a though the person was doing it for the very first time, and holding back.

Told anyone: Of course. I certainly wouldn't have lied. As Mark Twain said, 'When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.'

Comments: I wished it were true. I've put a bid in for an apartment rental on the upper west side, and I'm in limbo while they dither. To have had a place to move into in July would have been a great relief, and then I could go about scouting other places to live. And I don't get to meet this lovely, bold and daring Finy!

Good luck, and keep in touch. "The Actor"

There's so much I want to say about that one that I don't even know where to start!! I'll leave my comments for another post.

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Saturday, January 01, 2005 1 comments

NYC Response 3 - The Alias

From: "The Alias"
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 17, 2005 3:54 PM
Subject: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy
Hi there, I was just flipping through craigslist looking for an apartmentwhen I saw your ad. I am a 22 year old college student looking for anapartment. My name is Sam and I have enclosed a picture of myself. I amfairly reasonably good looking and you can contact me at "Alias@blah.com"

The picture he included freaked me out a little. It was from a weird angle and he looked SO serious. This was as close to a "naked" picture as I got. He was shirtless.

Ok, now the GREAT thing about this email, as you will see in a moment, is that his name is actually not Sam. He emailed me from his real email address though, so his actual name appeared in the From line. At first I just thought he was emailing from a friends computer or something, but then why did he not just check his actual email from that computer and just email me from there?

I found out when he responded to my "this is a hoax" email.

From: "The Alias"
To: finy apartment
Date: Jun 22, 2005 10:49 AM
Subject: Re: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy
Hello. I fibbed myself also however, my name is actually "The Alias" as you may have probably told from my email address and no hot house is a Marketing company for London Fog and Homestead. I figured that it was a practical joke however, that is why I used a pseudonym. Sorry. I am actually apartment hunting though and go to Baruch College. I'll be a graduating senior in December and I would not mind at all to be in your article. So gimme whatcha got. Just kidding. You can email me back or give me a call at XXX XXX XXXX. See ya later Finy.

"See ya later"? Yeah I don’t think so. And I am SURE he knew it was a practical joke. Right :)
Unfortunately he never responded to my email with the questions.

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Saturday, January 01, 2005 0 comments

NYC Response 4 - The Fellow Jokester

From: The Fellow Jokester
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 17, 2005 4:46 PM
Subject: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy
Hi,
I am possibly interested in moving into your spare bedroom. I have lived in NYC for about a year, I'm 24, work in consulting, originally from the Midwest, and love the outdoors. I attached a picture of me with a friend for you and if you have any more questions feel free to ask away. Thanks and I’ll talk to you soon.
The Fellow Jokester

Attached to the email was a guy with his arm around a girl who looked like she wanted to run the hell away. And fast. But his email was harmless enough, so I sent him the hoax email. Here was his response:

From: The Fellow Jokester
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 22, 2005 2:04 PM
Subject: RE: $100 - $100 -- A Great Deal For The Right Guy
Finy,

So it appears as if we were both a bit deceiving, because to be honest I didn't really intend to ever go through with it...I was just so intrigued by the post that I had to respond just to see if it was for real. My roommate and I are looking for a new place and we just stumbled across it, and basically flipped a coin to decide who would inquire about it.

In all honesty though, about a year ago when I was first moving here I probably would have considered it because I didn't know anyone and I didn't have much money. If you'd like me to participate in your survey I'd be glad to (assuming I remain anonymous).

So I guess we're kind of even now ha ha, but good luck and let me know if you still want me to answer your questions. It will give me something to do at work!

The Fellow Jokester

Well, whether he was joking with his response or not I guess we'll never know. He never responded to my follow up email.

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Saturday, January 01, 2005 1 comments

NYC Response 5 - The Swedish Security Officer

From: The Swedish Security Officer
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 17, 2005 4:48 PM
Subject: Room in apartment wanted by Swedish Security Officer
Hello!
I saw your ad. at craigslist.com and I am very interested!
I am a 26 year old guy from Sweden who will start working as a Security Officer for the United Nations this August.
I will send you any information you need if you think I will be suitable to rent a room in your apartment.
Sending you a picture of myself from my mission as a UN Soldier in Liberia last year.
Take care!
Regards // The Swedish Security Officer

Wow. The pictures he included? This guy was HOT. Tan, buff and in uniform (or half of one in one of the pictures). Damn. I sent him the follow up email, hoping this was another "Rower" situation.

From: The Swedish Security Officer
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 22, 2005 3:03 PM
Subject: Re: Room in apartment wanted by Swedish Security Officer
Hello Finy!
Well, I kinda guessed that the ad was not seriously meant but it didnt hurt to try didn't it?
Sure I could answer some of your questions. :)
Interesting experiment I must say..
Well talk to you later! :)
//The Swedish Security Officer

I loved it when the guys were good natured about this. Here's the answers to the questions I sent him.

From: The Swedish Security Officer
To: finy0535@gmail.com
Date: Jun 23, 2005 6:03 PM
Subject: Re: Room in apartment wanted by Swedish Security Officer
Hello Finy!
I´ll answer your questions inside your email to make it easier for me.

>Name: The Swedish Security Officer
>Where do you currently live (neighborhood is fine ) : A small city in Sweden
>Do you live with roommates, parents, or on your own? : Temporarily at my mothers place.
>What about this arrangement appealed to you? : Cheap rent and an opportunity to get to know a proffessional attractive woman in New York. If I didnt like it I could always move so I felt there was nothing to loose.
>Can you actually cook and clean? : Of course.
>If the potential roommate had been unattractive would you have still
>agreed to the arrangement? : yes, as long as I could have my privacy when I wanted.
>Did you make any assumptions about the poster's identity? : I felt it had to be one of two choices, either what was said, an attractive woman OR what it in fact was, a fake.. But again, I had nothing to lose.
>If you had moved into the apartment do you think you would have told
>your friends/family about the arrangement? : Yes.
>Any other comments? : Where can I find an arrangement like this for
>real!?!? :)

Awww. He was sweet and not at all creepy, which was one of the biggest shocks I got from this little experiment. How many normal guys were responding!

Labels: the experiment

posted by FINY @ Saturday, January 01, 2005 1 comments

About Me

Name: FINY
Home: New York, New York, United States
About Me: Just a New England girl trying to make it in NYC. Email me at: soxfaninnyc [at] gmail [dot] com
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