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| Thursday, April 19, 2007 |
| How To Get Dressed In The Morning While Doped Up On Cold Medicine |
1. Look in the mirror.
Yup, yup that's it. That's all you've got to do people. But apparently? That was a little too much for me today.
After having spent the entirety of yesterday in a cold sweat under my down comforter, coughing so much that I gave myself a migraine, and barely being able to get up in order to down the water that was necessary to keep me from completely dehydrating, I awoke this morning thinking "Ok, I can do this I can go to work".
And I thought I could, I really did. Until my boss told me I looked like hell. And then HER boss told me I looked awful. And then yet another coworker told me I really should go home. This was a real ego boost of a morning let me tell you.
So I did as I was told and boarded the subway to Brooklyn around 1:30. It was only when I was hanging up my jacket in the closet that is conveniently right next to the full length mirror that I realized, my being sick may have not been the only reason they had all told me to go home. When I had dressed this morning, in my black pleated work pants and my dark teal cashmere sweater, which I had never worn, I thought I was fine. But upon closer inspection, and in different light?
Yeah the damn this is pretty effing see-through. And I'm not talking, just see the outline of the bra kind of see-through, I'm talking, see the cute little flowers that are embroidered into the bra kind of see through. Like hey-I-can-see-your-belly-button see-through.
I'm going to go crawl back into bed now.Labels: How-to, work |
posted by FINY @ Thursday, April 19, 2007   |
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| Thursday, January 18, 2007 |
| How To Dance On A Bar |
1. Drink enough that you're wasted enough not to care that a whole bunch of people are watching you shake your stuff, but not so wasted that you could fall off the bar and break your head.
2. Even if you're not quite to that point yet, don't let one of your girls get up there on her own. Ever.
3. Be sure to have two guy friends accompanying you. Put a hand on each of their shoulders, prop your knee on the bar stool and climb onto the bar.
3. Do not wear high heels.
4. Try not to look at the pervy guy sitting right below you.
5. Smile for the tourists who are taking your picture, might as well look your best in their vacation photos.
6. Keep moving. Hips side to side, arms in the air, and occasional butt wiggle. You look like an idiot, embrace it. No one looks sexy dancing on a bar.
7. When the song is over, take a bow, let your two guy friends help you down from the bar, and accept all of the free drinks that will soon come your way.
8. Continue to get increasingly liquored up, while practicing your moves on the dance floor with a man in his late sixties, a leather vest, and a cowboy hat.
9. Keep drinking.
10. Repeat steps as necessary. Three times is ideal. Once while semi-sober. Once while good and drunk. The third time wasted enough that when your friend takes off her bra to donate to the collection on the wall, you just laugh your ass off instead of reminding her that that bra cost her $40.Labels: drinking, How-to |
| posted by FINY @ Thursday, January 18, 2007 |
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