Miles from Fenway: How To Dance On A Bar

1. Drink enough that you're wasted enough not to care that a whole bunch of people are watching you shake your stuff, but not so wasted that you could fall off the bar and break your head.

2. Even if you're not quite to that point yet, don't let one of your girls get up there on her own. Ever.

3. Be sure to have two guy friends accompanying you. Put a hand on each of their shoulders, prop your knee on the bar stool and climb onto the bar.

3. Do not wear high heels.

4. Try not to look at the pervy guy sitting right below you.

5. Smile for the tourists who are taking your picture, might as well look your best in their vacation photos.

6. Keep moving. Hips side to side, arms in the air, and occasional butt wiggle. You look like an idiot, embrace it. No one looks sexy dancing on a bar.

7. When the song is over, take a bow, let your two guy friends help you down from the bar, and accept all of the free drinks that will soon come your way.

8. Continue to get increasingly liquored up, while practicing your moves on the dance floor with a man in his late sixties, a leather vest, and a cowboy hat.

9. Keep drinking.

10. Repeat steps as necessary. Three times is ideal. Once while semi-sober. Once while good and drunk. The third time wasted enough that when your friend takes off her bra to donate to the collection on the wall, you just laugh your ass off instead of reminding her that that bra cost her $40.

Labels: drinking, How-to

posted by FINY @ Thursday, January 18, 2007

2 Comments:

At 1/18/2007, Esther said…

Sounds like you had a great time last night. Glad to hear you're getting out there and having some fun.
At 1/19/2007, Emily said…

I really miss that bra...