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| Tuesday, September 13, 2005 |
| You Can't Escape The Past |
For good or bad, your past will always catch up to you, and last night, it was my turn to get caught.
A few months ago, while in the beer line at the Tweeter Center in Mansfield, MA (I was, of course, at a DMB show) I feel a tap on my shoulder. Who do I turn around to see but WPI Guy. WPI Guy and I dated for a little less than a year back during my freshman year of college. We had met through a mutual friend, while I was dating someone, and struck up an internet friendship after I went away to school.
It turned into one of those intense, passionate relationships. The kind you lose yourself in. We were on the phone, emailing, and visiting each other every minute. We went to each other’s houses for holidays. We talked about getting married, having kids, starting a family. I was only eighteen.
As is bound to happen with these kinds of things, it eventually petered out. More on my part than his, but seeing him that night, while a shock, was really nice. It was good to see him happy and to know that he was doing well. We exchanged numbers and email addresses and parted ways.
Last night he IMed me. We talked for a while, catching each other up on the last six years of our lives. Again, it was good to hear he was doing well, he’s got a good job, been dating a girl for about a year, and is no longer living at home. He seems happy.
But then he started getting into some uncomfortable territory. Telling me how his girlfriend knows about me, and about how I was his first love. How his first instinct when he saw me at the show was to kiss me. How he wants to come down to NYC to visit but doesn’t know how to tell that to his girlfriend.
On the one hand I was flattered. How can you not be when six years after breaking up a guy still feels this strongly. On the other hand, I’m not sure I could relate. My “first love” was my high school sweetheart, which I got over rather promptly after we split (though that may be in part because I started dating WPI Guy shortly thereafter). I mean it’s great to look back at all the good times and what not. To reminisce. But I’ll say one thing If WPI Guy and his girlfriend ever come down to visit, there is no question the Twin is coming out to drinks with us, I am NOT dealing with this alone.Labels: dating |
posted by FINY @ Tuesday, September 13, 2005   |
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| 14 Comments: |
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yeah, most definitely don't hang out with him alone if he does come around. Sounds like he still has something there and if he gets too attached again next thing you know he'll ditch the girl and start falling down that slipperly slope of stalkerness. Hopefully he's good enough not to hit that slope though and you got a long lost friend back!
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Sooner or later our pasts catch up to us, don't they? That's why I'm not running for any type of polical office anytime soon. :D
It's wise the plan ahead and already know not to get together with him alone. If he is harboring these feelings it could give him the wrong impression... Isn't it amazing how things like this happen when we get into a nice, new relationship that we are happy with.
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He's laying the groundwork. Wants a little bit of the FiNY, Part II action. Mentions the girlfriend up front, so as to not lead you on, or anything. But it definitely sounds like he's coming down, and he's bringing his libido with him.
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Yup, definitely a good idea to bring the Twin with you on this one. It's clear he's still interested, regardless of the fact that he's dating someone. But as long as you have backup, you'll be fine.
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I was with finy when she ran into WPI guy. What I want to know is; what did you see in this guy in the first place?!?
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CS: Yeah the stalker route is what I am afraid of. Luckily he still lives in MA, so I might be in the clear.
itchy: ALWAYS. Do men have radar? Does a beeping sound go off when someone they used to date is dating someone else?
Maine: What I want to know is how the hell he's gonna explain it to his GF. "Uh, yeah sweetie, let's go down to NYC. That girl I told you about, my first love? Yeah I'd really love to drive 4 hours to see her".
Esther: now the question is, how do I explain it to the Twin? "So you want to go out for a drink with my ex?" Guys help me out is that going to go over badly?
beejer: come on now, he wasn't THAT bad. He's a decent looking guy, he treated me like a queen, and he really is a sweetheart. Not saying there weren't THOUSANDS of reasons not to be with him, just that there were also many reasons that we dated as long as we did. Ok, the great sex helped. A lot.
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That was decent looking? I know you were drunk at the concert, but you should be sober now. You are sober now, right?
In the event that you are unable to convince WPI guy that going down to NYC is a bad (read: incredibly stupid) idea, just be straight with the twin. Explain that you ran into him at DMB and that he wants to hang out. There is no need to mention that he (the twin) is there for protection. Also, I'd refrain from mentioning the 'great sex'.
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itchy: ALWAYS. Do men have radar? Does a beeping sound go off when someone they used to date is dating someone else?
Women have this talent too. I heard from 5 different female companions all within a week of me starting to date (insert cute anonymous blog nickname here). It was uncanny. Some of them I hadn't talked to for more than 3 or 4 years.
And I agree with everyone else. Definitely not worth getting into any situation with this guy where he can somehow through twisted logic that the two of you getting together is a possibility. He might not even be thinking it, but no reason to even chance it.
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Beejer: Ok, you could be a LITTLE kinder about a guy I dated for almost a year and did genuinely care about. I could understand if this was one of my random one nighters, but he wasn't. He's one of the few men I've actually said the words "I love you" to, so step a BIT more lightly please.
Ed: That's totally possible, but since I've only seen it from men I am obviously biased. This isn't the first time this has happened. Hell the Twin only started calling me consistently after the Firefighter showed interest. Go figure.
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"how do I explain it to the Twin? "So you want to go out for a drink with my ex?" Guys help me out is that going to go over badly?"
Not if you explain that you don't particularly want to do it, that you are doing it out of obligation or friendship, and that the twin is there to ensure that it is incredibly clear to WPI that you are unavailable/uninterested. And (now here comes the hard pat) you actually mean all of that.
If you can't actually say and mean all of that...well, good luck with that. The male ego is a curious thing, so I'd guess the chances of him being jealous in a prolonged, negative manner are probably only somewhere between 50 and 100%.
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You're right. I'm being mean and for no good reason. Sorry finy.
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You need all the backup you can get!
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Finy,
Bottom Line, be straight up with the guy. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. You might also be helping him in the future should a situation like this present itself. Honesty may hurt someone's immideate feelings but in the long run you will be helping him.
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I'd be willing to bet 5 bucks that WPI guy is going to a Red Sox game this weekend. Like Saturday. It's a FINY convention!
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yeah, most definitely don't hang out with him alone if he does come around. Sounds like he still has something there and if he gets too attached again next thing you know he'll ditch the girl and start falling down that slipperly slope of stalkerness. Hopefully he's good enough not to hit that slope though and you got a long lost friend back!