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    Saturday, January 07, 2006
    You're Fired! ... Oh wait, no you're not, I am!
    It's funny how we define ourselves by our careers. I'm an Assistant Editor. She's a doctor, he's an actor. Upon first meeting someone one of the automatic questions is: "What do you do?" In approximately five weeks I will no longer have an answer to that question.

    See, I was fired on Thursday. Or, as it was put to me, "let go". I'm not going to go into why, because really it doesn't matter. What does matter is that in five weeks (they're keeping me around to give me time to find a job – though finding a job in five weeks is going to be no small feat) I will be unemployed.

    There have been few times in my life that I've felt this low. I can't sleep, each time I nod off I wake up in a panic. I've been fired. It's amazing how hard a concept it is to grasp. Coming completely out of the blue like that (and you can tell it was out of the blue from what I wrote in my update 100 Things About You post) it just still hasn't hit me. I've thought a thousand different things. Certain phrases from the meeting come back to me. "This isn't personal". On the surface I know that's true. I know none of my bosses dislike me on a personal level. But it IS personal to me. Not being able to pay my bills. That's personal. Wondering how I am going to pay my rent. That's personal. Feeling like a complete and total failure. That's personal. It's not personal to them because when I walk out the door it's over for them. But for me it will keep going. Every day. I've been fired. Over and over again in my head.

    Being fired makes you reassess. Every step I've taken since the minute I declared my major as Writing, Literature, and Publishing has been to have a career in the publishing industry. Unfortunately, this is a very very small industry I work in. And a ridiculously incestuous one. So how am I supposed to go out and get a job at another college publishing house? Actually, how do you spin "I was let go" on ANY job interview?

    I’ve already started looking for jobs. Today I’ll spend polishing my resume and cover letter. I’m applying for anything and everything at the moment. From jobs in publishing to event management, hospitality to an Account Executive with a sports team in NY/NJ.

    And luckily, I’ve got the best support network a girl could ask for. Ten minutes after I was let go I sent out an email to all my friends in NYC. I had already been planning on meeting up with J for drinks, so it seemed the perfect opportunity to turn the evening into a “let’s drown my sorrows” event. On a good day it’s tough to get all my friends together. We all have varied schedules, events, parties, and jobs to go to. But that night, 8 of my friends dropped everything and rushed to my side. It meant the world to me. The hangover the next day was a bitch, but it was worth it. To have them all around me, knowing they loved me, helped to temper the “I’m a complete failure” feeling I’ve got going on right now. Because I’m NOT a complete failure. I have a great family, amazing friends, and soon, I’ll have a new job.

    I oscillate between being sad, scared, shocked, and angry. But even during these mood changes I know deep down in my heart that I’m going to be Ok. Fuck it, this may be the best thing that ever happened to me, who knows? I just need to keep reminding myself that my job is not myself. And just because I was fired it doesn’t diminish my worth as a person. I’m still me. Just with a little less money.

    Labels:

    posted by FINY @ Saturday, January 07, 2006  
    19 Comments:
    • At 1/07/2006, Blogger Itchy said…

      OMG Finy! I am soooo sorry that this happened. I can't even imagine how you are feeling, since we all process things differently, but I have a pretty good idea.

       
    • At 1/07/2006, Blogger -- said…

      That sucks!!

      Unemployment is $405 a week, though, so you'll have some $$ coming in.

      Hey, I have some contacts in the publishing industry at two major houses. If you want to email me, we could discuss, maybe I could pass your resume along?

      growsometesticles (at) gmail

       
    • At 1/07/2006, Blogger Miss Browneyedgirlie said…

      I'm so sorry to hear that. I know that things may seem horrible right now, but like you said, this could also be the best thing that's ever happened.

      Look at it as an opportunity to search for a job that will be rewarding for you personally and professionally.

      Though I realize, when faced with monthly bills, that may not be the first thing on your mind.

      It'll all work out for the best - even though it doesn't seem like it at the moment.

       
    • At 1/07/2006, Blogger Meegan said…

      As we discussed the other night, this is a blessing in disguise. You are far too talented, and too hard of a worker, to waste your time surrounded by people who don't see that. A year from now, you're going to look back at this time and say, "Phew! I'm glad that happened, because look at where I am now." You deserve to be appreciated and in an environment that encourages your development. Good things are coming your way, that I know for sure.
      xoxo

       
    • At 1/07/2006, Blogger FINY said…

      Thank you so much for all the support guys (and Kristin I may take you up on that offer). But I have to ask ...

      did no one mention my HORRIFIC grammar in the title of the post just because I was so upset? LOL, that was up there for hours! I am so embarassed!

       
    • At 1/07/2006, Blogger Daisy said…

      Coming out of lurkdom (my husband, Ari, reads your blog religiously)...

      First, I am so sorry to hear about your job troubles. You're right, we do define ourselves by our jobs, and no matter how you look at it, something like this is personal.

      Anyway, I worked in corporate communications in NJ for a long time, and held a brief stint at a publishing company. I have a few contacts that I could send your resume to, if you would be interested in traveling to NJ - and I know a good headhunter in the NY/NJ area who may be able to help you out. Also, you may want to look into joining an organization along the lines of IABC or PRSA - they hold lots of networking events (check their Web sites for jobs too). Finally, if you ever wanted to freelance, this is a perfect opportunity to look into it!

      Best of luck to you - drop me a note on my blog if I can be of any help at all. - Amber

       
    • At 1/08/2006, Blogger Red said…

      I know it can be devastating, but for what it's worth, it took a layoff for me to find the right career for me. So sometimes it can truly be for the best. Good luck, and don't worry. It will work out.

       
    • At 1/08/2006, Blogger Ari said…

      Hey,

      It does suck sucks big awful ass. Unfortuantley its happened to me twice and I have wound up on my feet. You are going to find a job no problem, if youare interested in Consulting send me an email. Anything the wife and I can do to help we gladly will.

       
    • At 1/08/2006, Blogger Esther said…

      I'm SO sorry this happened. (I don't check your blog for 2 days and THIS is how I find out? I can't believe you didn't call me!) You know you will figure out what to do. You can do freelance work while you're looking for something if you haven't found anything in the next 5 weeks. But anyone would be an idiot not to hire you. You're more devoted than almost anyone I know.

      It's funny, because we have a new person starting in our group tomorrow. Otherwise I would have recommended you for the job.

       
    • At 1/08/2006, Anonymous Ken said…

      WOW! I just saw you mention this in the 'What Annoys You' thread. That blows! I agree with the others though... I'm relatively young still, but I've had a ton of career changes, usually due to a lay-off. Each time, it always worked out for the better. So keep your chin up kiddo. It'll work out in the end.

      I'll have to come down to NYC again sometime soon so I can buy ya drinks to cheer ya up. :-)

       
    • At 1/09/2006, Anonymous Ellie said…

      FINY,

      I know how you feel since this happened to me about six months ago. The worst part was that I didn't get any notice. I felt very angry and betrayed at first, but it was seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me. I now work for a place making more money and have nicer coworkers. I'm sure the same will happen to you. Goodluck! :)

       
    • At 1/09/2006, Blogger Macca said…

      Keep your head up, FINY. Things will work out for you.

      (I had a three paragraph post, but blogger's damn word verification thingamabob made it go away, so you now get the short version ;))

       
    • At 1/09/2006, Blogger kate.d. said…

      i just want to echo all the well wishes. i hope that it all works out great for you...you'll just have to pound the pavement (digital pavement, as it is), but you'll find something.

      good luck!

       
    • At 1/09/2006, Blogger FINY said…

      Wow, you guys are amazing, seriously, thank you SO much for all the comments.

      Amber: Well, it's kind of sad that this is the way that you came out of lurkerdom, but HI! Welcome!

      Thank you so much for the offer to send my resume along. Unfortunately, without access to a car, coming to the NJ area would be kind of hard, but in a few weeks, I may just be desperate enough to take you up on the offer. And seriously, thank you SO SO much for the offer.

      Red: I've heard similar stories from a lot of people over the last five days. This could be a HUGE blessing in disguise. I just need to get through a tough couple months. I am sure it will all work out (look at me being all positive. Man if you had seen me Thursday night you never would have thought this was possible)

      Ari: Thank you to you too. I'll send an email along. It's funny a lot of people have been like "Don't feel above asking for help" Don't feel above it? Fuck that I'm looking for anything I can get LOL.

      Esther: Yeah I am a big fat jerk for not emailing/calling you. I left about a gazillion people off that original "Meet me at the bar now" email mainly because I was so out of it and then after that day it was hard to tell the story over and over again. But you still love me and we'll catch up tomorrow.

      Ken: Get your ass down here if I've ever needed a beer bought from me, now's the time.

      Ellie: Thanks for the well-wishes and I am glad everything worked out for you. Even with getting 5 weeks notice I am still feeling angry/betrayed, but it's tempered with: well, this is a business and shit happens. It's a very weird place to be to be honest.

      Macca: I am now officially turning off my word verification, just for you. so sad I missed the long post! :( But thanks for the comment, first-blogging-buddy-of-mine. You're the best.

      Katie.d: I'm pounding the pavement, my friends, my blogging buddies, anyone and everyone who could hook me up with a job. This is going to make for some REALLY boring blogging. So in advance, SORRY EVERYONE!

       
    • At 1/10/2006, Blogger Michael Leggett said…

      You'll be fine. The initial shock is rough, like a death in the family.
      You're LITERATE; You're LITERARY & EVERYTHING will be better.

      FiNY, you have your health & your friends. Hugs To You!

       
    • At 1/10/2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      Finy---

      I read this blog pretty regularly (OK, every day) and I feel like I know you. I've only been moved to post once before, though, in response to something you posted about art imitating life (or vice versa). Anyway...I'm moved to comment again. I'm sorry this happened. But feel fortunate that you have 5 weeks to get some things straightened out (and to steal office supplies!). I was "let go" a little more than a year and a half ago and, though times following that were REALLY tough, it all worked out for the best. That fact will be hard to see in the near future, but get through this and stay positive. It sounds like you're a pretty positive person anyway and that you have a terrific support group. You'll be just fine...but prepare yourself for a real test.

      I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya.

      ---A Casual Fan in Chicago.

       
    • At 1/10/2006, Blogger Becki said…

      Man, that's some hardcore suckage right there. If I was in NY, I'd definitely be buying you a beer. Good luck with the job search.

       
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