Miles from Fenway: Fantasy and Reality

Fantastical thinking, or, thinking about the world in a way that is inconsistent with real-world knowledge, is a basic level of human development. I know, I used to work on psychology textbooks. The field of psychology teaches us that children are really young scientists, trying to rationalize the ways of the world, making mistakes in order to find the correct path, imagining impossible scenarios until they can figure out the truth.

But what happens when an individual escapes into adulthood holding on to just a tiny little piece of that? Where is the line between a dream, or a goal, and an all out fantasy? And are they all bad?

I ask this after a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. We were discussing some of our friends, trying to figure out what kind of film they imagined they were living in. Romantic-comedy. Film noir. Drama. Documentary. Porno.

It got me thinking. I like to think that I am a pretty grounded human being. I've seen enough of the world to know the damage it can do, but also the opportunities it presents. Yes, I've got a hyperactive emotional side, but I'd like to believe that that only serves to make me a more caring human being. That it helps me be a more compassionate friend, sister, daughter. But I'm sane and rational enough to know that, for example, if I don't work my ass off to get every resume out there I can that a job will not suddenly appear. I know the cast of Friends never could have afforded to live in New York City, and I know that Carrie Bradshaw could not have been able to buy all of those Manolos on a columnists salary.

So why is it then, that when it comes to love and relationships, I was the one that could best be described as wishing she lived in a romantic comedy? I don't believe that a white knight will one day come along and sweep me off my feet, but you've got to admit that the true-love aspect, the over the top romance, can be appealing at times. And come to think of it, the female protagonists of those films are typically strong, independent women, but who have their own set of flaws. By and large is that so far off from the norm? From personal experience I'd have to say that the men in those movies don't exist, but then again – I'm just waiting for a guy to prove me wrong.

And it's not as if I sit around at home waiting for said guy to come find me. If he's not around at the moment, well then fine. I'm going to continue living my life. But I don't think it's unhealthy to fantasize that he might actually exist. Many of the single women I know, especially here in New York, quickly become jaded. They assume the worst of men, having been let down too many times, and in too many ways.

I, on the other hand, choose optimism. I choose hope. I choose to believe that at some point I'm going to find a guy that loves me as much as I love him. I choose to believe that I don't have to go scowering the Manhattan skyline for him, that we may just meet one day. Hell, I could have already met him for all I know.

If it's meant to be, it will be. That's cheesy, and corny. And perhaps it is "fantastical thinking" that real-life romantic comedies can exist, but I don't care.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play in the sandbox. Anyone care to join me?

Labels: dating

posted by FINY @ Wednesday, January 31, 2007

3 Comments:

At 1/31/2007, Esther said…

ooh ooh me [Esther raises her hand wildly in her seat]. We can't be entirely jaded, otherwise this wouldn't be any fun. I want the guy to sweep me off my feet too. And hopefully he'll appear one of these days.
At 1/31/2007, Anonymous said…

Many of the single women I know, especially here in New York, quickly become jaded. They assume the worst of men, having been let down too many times, and in too many ways.
Yes. Yes they do, and it gets freaking annoying.I feel better now.

So long as you are out there looking, it's not fantastical. Fantastical dreaming would be if you were sitting at home waiting for him to come to you out of the blue. You don't strike me as the type FINY. So you're fine.

Quick Question: What ever came of the book from NaNoWriMo? Have you touched it at all since then? I know it's not a high priority considering your current employment problems, but I figured I'd ask.
At 2/01/2007, Itchy said…

My friends at home used to tell me that I was too romantic in my head and in my ideas of what I wanted and what I believed. That I was going to end up being unhappy in life because of it.

I've been happily married for 11 1/2 years.

I'm glad you are chosing to be optimistic and chosing hope. Nothing cheesy or corny about either of those things!